Tears In Rain

“All those moments will get lost in time, like tears in rain”. Looking out the window of my mom’s car as thousands of cars pass by always brings me to a point where I can make the world still. The clear picture of the cars is detailed enough for me to tell the exact model of them. Then they become shadows, shadows that create forms moving rapidly past me. In the end all that is left are lines. The entire world is united to many lines and it stops moving. 

As the alarm went off at five thirty, I woke up with the vapid feeling of Monday morning and the laziness of going to school again. Being a boarding student at the age of six was not the easiest thing ever, but I was not afraid. School for me was nonetheless a busy process, not being able to see my family for the week did not help either. But I was not afraid. With the school uniform on and two bags heavy enough to crush an elephant, I stepped into the car with sun in my eyes, ready for whatever the challenge was. 

Looking at the cars passing by, while thinking about the argument I had last Friday with my best friend, the shadow became thinner and thinner. Just when the shadow of the cars were about to turn into a line, the car stopped. Of course, a red light. It happens. It broke my thoughts. My eyes became clear again and started to look around. A shadow was out of place. It was a person, I did not see all the details at first, but I could tell that it was a person. By the time I realized that he was there, he was already pretty close to the car. The closer he inched the more intense it was for me. My eyes were stuck to him, I was counting the steps as he got closer. Every step, my eyes got bigger and for a second, it felt like I could not move. 

Here he is, standing right next to my mother’s side of the car. I tried to ask her what was going on but I was not able to talk. He lifted his right arm, my head moved with the motion. Suddenly I felt a push on my backseat. My mom tapped on the gas paddle and moved the car a bit forward. He is closer to me now, but still staring at the driver’s seat. As he took back his arm like a branch falling off a tree, I got a chance to move my eyes up to see his eyes. I remember this in the slowest motion. His eyes were dark; his eyes were hollow; his eyes were empty. He swung his sight around and eventually met my eyes. I still do not know what that look was supposed to mean. Honestly I do not know if he was even able to see me or not because the window was tinted. But that look in his eyes, those eyes of nothingness stoned me for a second, the next time I was awake, he had walked off. 

I turned my head around as fast as I could. The man was wearing a pair of boots, a blue raincoat and a yellow hat. His steps seemed tired, they were small and slow. As the car drove away, I kept my eyes on him. The man stood in the middle of Beijing’s traffic. At this moment, the world was moving, but he was still. Red lights, green lights; hundreds of cars passing by him. Everyone was hustling in this city that never sleeps, chasing their dreams; but he just stood there. 

“At this moment, the world was moving, but he was still. Red lights, green lights; hundreds of cars passing by him. Everyone was hustling in this city that never sleeps, chasing their dreams; but he just stood there”

My mother informed me what had happened as soon as I turned back, I was thankful that she waited until I finished looking at the homeless man. 

For the rest of the ride, I was not able to see the world as lines, I was not able to make the world stop. All of a sudden, living without my parents seems so much worse than before. For the rest of the week, I tried to avoid thinking about that man, thinking about his life. All of a sudden I was scared and not ready. For the rest of my life, I see the world a bit differently. People; work; responsibility; life. Out of all the moments in my life that got lost in time and tears in rain, this one stuck around. The six years old me in the back seat of my mom’s car, seeing the world moving rapidly. 

But the World never changes, never stops, and the summer is forever over.