Toxic-Masculinity

Posted on May 24, 2022 by 23moneyb

“67 percent of 18-24 year olds felt compelled to display ‘hyper-masculine’ behavior in tough situations” (Petter 2018). Young men are taught to act powerful or “manly” in stressful situations. They are taught to take control. They are taught to not show emotions and command a situation. This is toxic-masculinity, the harmful attitudes about the way a man should behave. This toxic masculinity comes from stereotypes and can lead to young men thinking they are not allowed to show emotions, not allowed to be human. This stereotype plays a large role in the novel The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien as these, mostly young men, have to fight in war and compete with their emotions. Soldiers in the war are told to “suck it up” and are embarrassed if they do not act manly enough. Men in The Things They Carried display negative stereotypes about women and talk about them as such. The culture of toxic masculinity in The Things they Carried causes characters to feel fear about not being manly and treat women badly.

They are told to suck it up and be manly. These phrases are dangerous for soldiers as it can lead to them not understanding how to let out their emotions.


A classic example of toxic masculinity in the war is what the soldiers are told by officers and lieutenants. They are told to suck it up and be manly. These phrases are dangerous for soldiers as it can lead to them not understanding how to let out their emotions. Instead of stepping back and reflecting on what they just saw or did, soldiers have to keep going. Their actions after this can, therefore, be out of frustration and penned up emotion. A good example of this is when Rat Kiley shoots a baby water buffalo several times. The scene starts with Kurt Lemon dying. Kiley is sad as Lemon was his best friend. He becomes frustrated when Lemon’s sister never responds to the descriptive letter Kiley sent her regarding Lemon’s death. He keeps this emotion inside though, not wanting to look soft in the eyes of his friends. Eventually he runs into a water buffalo that refuses to eat the food he offers it. Out of frustration, he shoots the buffalo several times. The water buffalo is not what frustrates Kiley, it is the loss of his friend, his friend’s sister not acknowledging his letter, and his inability to express the emotion he feels about all of it. Instead, his sadness turns to anger. Towards the end of his shooting “Rat Kiley was crying. He tried to say something, but then cradled his rifle and went off by himself” (O’Brien 76). Kiley could not say anything he just had to shoot, let the anger he was taught in the war out instead of the moral natural emotion of sadness. He was trying to suck it up like his officers said to do, but he broke. This shows the toxic masculinity he was taught. A man showing any emotion but anger was seen as embarrassing and not for the war. Overall, what Kiley did is an example of how the war teaches men to hide their emotion and how that mindset can be dangerous for those involved.


Another scene that shows the danger of toxic masculinity and sucking it up is when Tim O’Brien got revenge on Jorgenson. Jorgenson is the new medic that was too scared to help Tim when he was shot. Tim almost died because of him. Tim and Azar pulled a prank on him, but the prank ended in O’Brien getting so scared and regretful that he started crying: “I was trembling. I kept hugging myself, rocking but I couldn’t make it go away” (O’Brien 206). O’Brien became scared as anyone would in this situation. He had been up all night and felt bad for the person he was hurting. Azar’s reaction to this scene shows the extremity of the toxic masculinity. Azar observes, “Disgusting, sorriest fuckin’ specimen I ever seen” (O’brien 206). Azar thought that O’Brien was being unmanly by acting the way he did. Azar understood what he was taught by the war, that men cannot show their true feelings in a situation, must keep going, keep showing a straight face, and keep causing pain. When O’Brien did not conform to these standards taught in the war Azar reacted with disgust. He even kicked O’Brien in the head, to show how much disrespect he had for him. Azar was coded to react this way when a man shows emotion, which reveals how the war displays roots of toxic masculinity.
Due to the pressure from officers and various lietenants to be “more manly” many soldiers feel embarrassment and even fear not meeting these standards. O’Brien describes, “They carried the soldier’s greatest fear, which was the fear of blushing” (O’Brien 20). As soon as soldier’s enter the battlefield they are afraid to show emotion. They think that showing emotion will make them lose respect from their commanding officers and comrades around them. This idea is the core of toxic masculinity. The idea that if a soldier does not comply then they will not be respected and seen as not a man. The soldier’s take this to a new extreme. To avoid the dishonor they “crawled into tunnels and advanced under fire” (O’Brien 20). Soldier’s were more afraid to be seen as unmanly than to die. The extremity of the toxic masculinity in the Vietnam War was the cause of deadly harm.


The extremity of the toxic masculinity is also apparent in the way the soldier’s refer to women. The soldier’s describe women purely based on their looks, which shows how shallow and discriminatory their mindset is. O’Brien describes a woman as, “a tall, big-boned blonde…she had white legs and blue eyes and a complexion like strawberry ice cream. Very friendly, too” (O’Brien 89). O’Brien is recounting Mary-Anne arriving at their army base in Vietnam. Instead of describing her personality or what she is physically doing notices her looks. He does not even describe her looks in a nice way, he talks about her in a sexual manner, how her looks please him. This attitude and language show just how ingrained toxic masculinity is. Boys are taught from a young age to look at women in a sexual way. Modern day locker room talk is a classic environment. Boys and young men talking in a locker room about who they want to have sex with or just women who they think are hot. The language and sexual nature of the description shows just how accustomed to toxic masculinity Tim O’Brien is. It is a classic example of the mindset that men are taught from a young age and how it is exacerbated in an all male setting like the war.


The Things They Carried is a novel that seems like its main theme is war, and although war is a theme throughout, there are many other themes that correlate to war. There are themes surrounding war stories but that talk about deeper moral issues present in the world. Toxic-masculinity is just one. Character’s in the book have a dark mindset about how they should act. They use violence to express their emotions, lean into the demands of officers and sexualise all of the female characters. This issue did not end after Vietnam. Toxic-masculinity is still very much present in today’s society. Whether it is locker-room talk, fathers teaching their sons bad morals, aggressive reactions to problems or disrespectful politicians, the issue of toxic-masculinity must not be forgotten. Novels like The Things They Carried present these issues that can be easily translated and should be read by audiences in today’s age.


Works Cited

O’Brien, Tim. The Things They Carried. Houghton Mifflin (Trade), 2009.


“Toxic Masculinity Leaves Most Young Men Feeling Pressured to “Man Up.”” The Independent, 20 Nov. 2018, www.independent.co.uk/life-style/toxic-masculinity-international-mens-day-2018-gender-stereotypes-man-up-a8641136.html.

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