Glass Bubble

The day was cloudy and an icy breeze paralyzed my bones. It was barely noticeable a single small ray of light coming from the Sun falling on my right cheek. With two impeccable braids tied to my head, and a tennis racket that was even bigger than half my body, and a tennis ball in my left hand ready to start the point, I was scared to death. The beating of my heart made a symphony to the compass of the cloudy day. I could not stop listening to the negative thoughts that I had trapped in my mind, and in my throat I felt the stuck knot that held the tons of tears that would later run down the same place on my right cheek where a ray of sunshine had welcomed me minutes before. I was only eleven years old, and my back along with my weak legs were letting themselves collapse from the great load that my shoulders supported.

Each individual carries something that, although it seems weightless, is a burden that ends up bringing you down because of how heavy it is. Some carry pain, desire for revenge, responsibility, resentment. Some others even carry someone else’s problems or burdens. In my case, since I can remember, I have been loaded with nerves. They have been my companions throughout my life; they always accompany me wherever I go. Nerves have brought out the best of me, but also the worst of me; I like to think that they are reflected in the way I act in different situations.

Every time I feel a current go through my whole body and stay stuck in my heart, I know it is the nerves visiting me once again. It is a sensation that, far from being satisfactory, makes me sick. A disease that keeps me locked in an unbreakable glass bubble; that does not let me expand my horizons; a disease that keeps me chained prisoner in the deepest corners of my mind, and does not allow me to be free. Due to nerves I have lost great opportunities in my life, because they have never let me break the ties tied to my body, soul, and mind. I must confess that I regret not having fought this disease sooner. But, everything has its time, and apparently, when I was little, I was not ready yet, or I was not strong enough to fight my worst enemy. I was not prepared to fight my own mind.

Over time I realized that the nerves were a reaction of my body to face my fears. My nerves have deprived me of so many things in my life. In absolutely every situation in my life I faced my nerves. However, none of them beat the nerves I felt every time I faced a tennis opponent. It was as if every time I entered the tennis court, a giant like Goliath faced me, only I was not a David to face him and finish him off; on the contrary, the giant made me look more little than what I was, and much weaker than I seemed. My anxiety before a tennis match reached the point where I could not control them; I could not find refuge in them, so I decided to become the best friend of my worst enemy, my mind. And why my mind? Because it knows all my weaknesses. I am not going to lie, at first when I finally had the courage to face myself, it was worse; my mind made me sick more of those nerves that sleep in the depths of my mind, and that blind me at all costs. My mind was my Goliath, trying to challenge me again and again, and I could not improve.

I was clinging to the idea of ​​always carrying this load heavier than any train on my shoulders for the rest of my life. But I did not give up, and I still do not give up. I kept fighting and fighting, until I could start to make my nerves help me instead of sinking me into the depths of the ocean like the Titanic. My fears began to wake me up and make me react, instead of limiting me, and enclose me in a glass bubble forever. It was not the same at the beginning when my nerves made me scared and hide inside my shelter and avoid playing tennis matches. Now, my nerves drove me, woke me up, encouraged me to give my best on the pitch. To date the nerves still appear every day of my life. But now instead of being like a disease that kept me a prisoner inside my body, now I can be more free. I no longer get a fever or throw up when I am too nervous like I used to. And, believe it or not, vomiting was my only consolation, because through them my nerves went.

Nerves took away one of the greatest aspirations I have ever had in my life, that of being a professional tennis player. Every time I walked onto the tennis court for training I felt like I was in my most precious refuge, and I felt safe. But once I set foot so easily on the tennis court during any tournament, my nerves would get the better of me, causing me to fall into the depths of an endless pit. Nerves snatched from me that dream I once had. I will not let them take away my new dream, that of becoming a great doctor.

Now, I can control this nervous sensation that runs like electricity throughout my body. There are still days when I cannot help it and it seems like I am regressing again. But really, I have learned that patience is a key to fighting anything. So you, reader, who find yourself behind these crazy pages of speaking words and letters that feel, do not let loads corrupt your back posture; do not let them deprive you of doing what you like the most, because there is only one life. Become that David who faced the fearsome Goliath, and who, thanks to his courage, defeated the giant. Do not let yourself be limited by your fears; do not let them keep you prisoner in your own glass bubble. Break it, and you will see how your life fills with color.