The Faces I Carried

The things they carried were heavy, but they put it on their shoulders, because they kept them going. I carried a lot of things to school. Every year, leave home with a large suitcase and a heavy backpack. I packed everything I need in life in them, necessary, unnecessary, I carried. If I carry life on my shoulders, hope is what I carried in my mind. 

The face of my family when they last saw me is deeply carved into my mind. And I hope the day we meet again can come sooner. Their faces were each different, but so similar in expression. Apart from all that, they were heavy. 

My brother is the most important person in my life, his face, I must carry.  Throughout thirteen years of love and hate, it is hard to say goodbye to him every time.  I was at the airport, traveling back to Beijing as he stayed in Hainan, to prepare for school. By the time he comes back to Beijing, I would have already left to go back to school. I got all my luggages out of the car, my grandparents were going inside the airport with me to make sure everything went smoothly. However, there is no reason for my brother to go. I opened the car’s door again, and told him that I have to leave. My grandma added: “You’re not gonna see your brother for a long time, Sam”. He did not know how to act, maybe he was shocked, maybe he did not know it would come so soon. We both just said bye to each other. I carried my suitcase and he kept on looking at his phone. He looked so young compared to the pictures of him my mom shows me right now. 

“My brother is the most important person in my life, his face, I must carry.  Throughout thirteen years of love and hate, it is hard to say goodbye to him every time”

I always have a soft spot for my grandparents’ faces. With my parents busy all the time ever since I was young, my grandparents are extremely close to me. They have been taking care of me daily for as long as I can remember. After I said goodbye to my brother,my grandparents took me inside of the airport. I have gotten my boarding pass already and the next thing is going through the security check. As we all realized that this is going to be the time for goodbye, we stopped and I turned around. My grandma’s face was serious, she told me to be good at school, and tell her about all the things that will go on in my life. My grandpa’s face was sad, he told me to take care and that he will miss me. I replied: “Don’t worry, I will be back in half a year”. Currently, I have not seen my grandpa in a year and a half. It almost brings me to tears everytime I think of that promise. 

My dad’s face is one that I have to carry. Unfortunately, my dad and I were never close like me and my mom. He comes back everyday late, and ever since my parents’ divorce, I barely see him. But he is still my dad. When I was going to Singapore with my mom. I said goodbye to him at the security check. His face was peaceful. He gave me a hug and said : “I love you”. It meant a lot to me. 

The heaviest face that I carry is my mom’s. I lived with my mom my entire life, she is the most supportive person. Carrying my mom’s face is important to me. I saw my mom again in LA after not seeing her for more than a year. On the way to the flight back to school, we had an argument. When she dropped me off at the airport, I grabbed my bag from her, put it on my shoulder, gave her a hug and left. We were mad at each other, but I can tell that now we both regret it. We did not say anything except goodbye, and even though I hugged her, I do not remember her face. 

These faces that I carry on my mind are what makes me stronger. They are the fuel when I run out of gas, they are the slight crack of light in the infinite darkness, they are the hope. I am looking forward to seeing them again, I wonder what their faces look like now.