American Literature (C) Portfolio

There is a fine line between want and need that your parents most likely explained to you when you were young. If not, want is something that adds to your life, while need is something that allows you to survive. My parents taught me this when I was very young. They used the more common examples of clothes instead of toys, healthy food instead of junk food, and that a roof over your head was more important than what the house looked like or how big it was. The song You Can’t Always Get What You Want by The Rolling Stones explains the difference between want and need better than any other, and relates to many of my life experiences.

The first Christmas that I can remember, was the Christmas of clothing. I got so many clothes that I almost wanted to stop opening presents and just watch other people open theirs. My parents, on the other hand, were ecstatic that I was getting clothes. It meant that they wouldn’t be burdened with the task of going shopping and spending ungodly amounts of money on clothes that I would grow out of the next year. Although the clothes were a necessity, I wanted toys, especially matchbox cars, those were my favorite. Unfortunately for me I received one or two cars. Nevertheless, I was forced to mind my manners and say thank you to my relatives for the piles of clothes that I never asked for. My parents later told me that clothes were what I needed, and that I didn’t need matchbox cars to live.

Another scenario that unraveled before me was at the grocery store. My mother and I were pacing back and forth, up and down the cereal aisle when I laid eyes upon a box of Lucky Charms. My uncle on Long Island always had a craving for Lucky Charms and earlier in the year he had snuck me a bowl of them for breakfast. I was amazed that cereal, of all things, could taste so good, and when I saw them in the store I begged my mom to get them. She thought for a moment and then taught me a valuable lesson. Pointing at the price shown on the shelf she said,

“It’s $5.99 for a 13 ounce box of Lucky Charms!”, with exasperation.

“The 18 ounce, family size box of Cheerios, is $3.99!”, staring me straight in the eyes.

“There is no reason to spend extra money on less food, when Cheerios are better for you and are more filling!”

I wasn’t very happy with my mother’s decision to buy Cheerios instead of Lucky Charms, but later when I went to the store myself, with my own money, I remembered to check the prices, and sure enough I walked to the cashier with Cheerios instead of a more expensive box of cereal. I had learned that just because you really, really want something, for whatever reason, doesn’t mean that you need to have it. It should be saved for a special occasion, and shouldn’t become an everyday necessity.

The song You Can’t Always Get What You Want contains other lyrics that also relate to my experiences. “You get what you need” is another part of the song that connects to the after effects of heartbreaking stories similar to my own, where you don’t get what you want, but you tried, and you end up with what you need. The verses of the song are micro narratives parallel to my narratives and show instances where people don’t get what they want from life.

If you think hard, this paper in itself is a wonderful representation of the battle of want and need. I didn’t want to go into school, the first day after a huge break, and get assigned a narrative paper assignment, especially one due in two days. I wanted to start a new book and quickly get back into the repetition of nightly reading and class discussion, but instead I got the opportunity to better myself as a writer through an engaging narrative that will be necessary for not only my grade in June, but for my continued growth as a young writer.

In a way, this is a somewhat depressing song. People don’t get what they want. On the other hand, it is a very positive song in the sense that your life, at 17 years old, has really yet to begin, and that I need so many things to get what I want in my later life experiences.

Gifts come in all shapes and sizes, even children.  In The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne, the main character, Hester, has a child, Pearl, who was born from a relationship that was looked down upon by all of the townspeople.  The way that this child was conceived made the town also look down upon Pearl.  Even though this child was looked down upon, Pearl brought Hester a sense of redemption.  Pearl kept Hester from making incorrect choices that would have set the rest of her life on the wrong path.  Hester thinks of Pearl as a blessing, and she acts as the light that shows Hester what choices she needs to make to change her life for the better.

Pearl is Hester’s most meaningful blessing.  After Hester gave birth to Pearl, she was labeled with a huge red “A”, marking her as an adulteress.  Hester paid a great price to have Pearl.  She was looked down upon by the townspeople, and everyone hated and wanted nothing to do with her.  The argument can be made that because Pearl was born as a child out of wedlock that she is “an imp of evil, emblem and product of sin”(Hawthorne, 84), and Hester should be ashamed of her,  “But she named the infant ‘Pearl’, as being of great price – purchased with all she had – her mother’s only treasure!” (Hawthorne 80) is showing that Hester threw her whole life away just to have Pearl.  She didn’t have friends or even a husband after she had Pearl, which meant that Pearl was her most valuable possession.  The gift that keeps Hester from becoming what the townspeople suspect.

When people in the town begin to think that Hester is a witch and that she is turning Pearl into a devil child, the town council invites Hester and Pearl to a meeting where the council intends to review Pearl and how she is developing as a child.  Thankfully, the council doesn’t take Pearl away from Hester, and in turn, having to take care of Pearl keeps Hester from agreeing to become a witch.  Hester herself declares, “Had they taken her from me, I would have willingly gone into the forest, and signed my name in the Black Man’s book too, and that with mine own blood!” (Hawthorne 105)  Mistress Hibbins, a well known witch, asks Hester if she wants to come into the woods tonight and join the witches.  Some people say that Hester wasn’t going to become a witch anyway, but this suggests that it was the presence and will to take care of Pearl that kept Hester from becoming a witch.  It is also Hester’s blood in the form of Pearl that keeps Hester from becoming a witch.

Pearl gets a bad connotation for being an evil child throughout the book, but Pearl is cute and naive just like any other girl.  She is fragile, and Hester takes it upon herself to take care of Pearl and provide a great life for her no matter the consequences.  Pearl’s childlike aspects rub off on Hester, “So the child flew away like a bird, and, making bare her small white feet, went pattering along the moist margin of the sea.” (Hawthorne 152).  Pearl is going to play near the ocean.  It is when Hester goes to have a conversation with Chillingworth about matters that she doesn’t want Pearl involved in.  One argument could be that the evil ways of Pearl outweigh the childlike ways of Pearl when she kills the jellyfish and breaks a seagulls wing, but Pearl grieving her actions afterwards show that she is just naive, and that she is learning like any normal child.  Hester is trying to look out for her daughter that means so much to her.  Pearl is just a young child, that wants nothing but to go and play in the water, and to look at pretty seashells.  This isn’t the work of the devil.

In Hester’s eyes, Pearl is a blessing that allows Hester to be led on the right path after committing her sin.  Hester adores Pearl, and Hester believes that Pearl is her most valuable possession.  Pearl kept Hester from becoming a witch because of her innocence, and her value to Hester.  Pearl is also a guiding light in Hester’s world of deep darkness.  The light that shows Hester what choices she needs to make, to change her life for the better.

When I was younger, not exactly sure what age, I was in the store with my grandmother.  We had finished going through the aisles and picking out the necessities from the list written in my grandmother’s handwriting, and we were in the checkout lane.  We were waiting for our turn to pay for the items, and out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a small yellow tube of mini M&M’s.  Wanting them very much, I took them off the shelf and asked my grandmother if she would buy them for me.  She had her reasons and said “No, we don’t need to buy that.”  I agreed, and didn’t fight with her about it putting them back on the shelf.  Unfortunately, I really wanted those M&M’s.  So, when my grandmother was talking to the cashier, and paying for the groceries, I quickly and silently took the bright yellow tube from the shelf, and stuffed it in my pocket.

Amazingly my grandmother never noticed the M&M’s in my pocket.  We drove all the way home, and my grandmother dropped me off at my house.  I was eating the M&M’s in my room, when my mother came in and asked me, “Where did you get those M&M’s.”  I said, “Oh these, Grandma got them for me at the store.”  Mom said, “That was nice of her,” and went away.  

The second and last time that I ever stole was at a small farm stand.  I was with my father, and we were picking out veggies for dinner that night.  That was when I stumbled onto a huge basket filled with walnuts still in the shell.  I had seen walnuts like this before but had never had one for myself.  I didn’t think my Dad would let me have one, and I didn’t feel guilty because there were so many, so I took one and hid it in my hand.

When we got into the car to go home I took the walnut out and was looking at it, my Dad immediately asked me, “Where did you get that?”  I said that I took it from inside the store.  He immediately and I mean immediately stopped the car.  He started driving back to the store and I ask him what he was doing.  He hands me a nickel and said, “Go back, apologize, and pay for it.  Say you’re very sorry, and that you won’t steal again.”  I was embarrassed and mad.  I couldn’t understand why it was such a big deal.  It was just a silly little walnut.  There were hundreds of them in that basket.  My dad said that taking anything from a store without paying for it was unacceptable.

I was forced to go into the store and pay for the walnut.  I still remember the look on the girl’s face when I walked in and handed her a nickel for the walnut.  She told me that it was ok, and that I didn’t have to pay for it, but I knew I had to or my dad would be mad.  I was so embarrassed.

I have only stolen two things in my entire life.  A walnut, and a tube of M&M’s.  It felt good when I stole those two things, but I didn’t feel good about it afterwards.  I learned that you should pay for anything and everything that you take at a store, and that stealing an inexpensive thing is the same as stealing an expensive thing.  It is all still stealing.

To this day I have never stolen anything, I have paid for it, and if I didn’t want to pay for it I didn’t take it.  That’s just how the world is supposed to work.

It was noon as I got out of bed ready for another slow summer day.  The xbox like a hummingbird in the corner of my room, and the sun glistening through the trees onto my bed.  I was excited today, but also a little nervous.  My parents were heading to our family camp in upstate New York for the annual county fair.  I had started a job over the summer, and I couldn’t spare any vacation.  I was sad that I would be missing the fair, something that I had never missed, but I also felt a cool and quiet sense of independence.  My parents said goodbye with loving hearts and started off.

I returned home from work that night forgetting that my parents weren’t around.  It was an odd feeling.  I had stayed home alone many times, but never in this capacity.  I slowly entered my house.  My parents had taken all of our dogs with them on the trip, so it was truly just me and the house.  It was black as oil, the rooms, they were silent.  The wind coming over the mountain sounded like a hurricane, and the crickets in the grass, like sirens blaring.  The snap of light switches erupted as a ran upstairs to my room. Immediately my house came to life, rejuvenated from its long afternoon nap.

For a long time I sat in my room, playing video games, and watching Netflix without a care as to what was happening.  After midnight I was fatigued from work and the long evening of recreation, so I decided to go to bed.  It was impossible.  The silence was deafening.  I lay there in my dark room.  I became paranoid and frightened. The darkness was like a black portal manipulating itself in my mind, and becoming the dark shadows of my greatest fears and nightmares.  It felt like there were cold metal walls closing in on me as I tried to slow my speeding pulse, but it was no use.  I feared for my life, of darkness and sleep.  I felt alone.

The next morning I opened my eyes and looked around.  Again the sun shone and the xbox hummed.  Everything was the same as before. In the light I felt rejuvenated and courageous, like I was a new being, a new me.  I had survived.  Now was the question of how I would again return to the deep dark as a fighter, not as a coward.  I would face fear head on, and be changed forever.

Over the week the nights got easier.  I was more confident and felt safer, like I had built up a wall of tuning things out.  It was like a utopian sphere, that dispersed the darkness, and allowed warmth to radiate inside.  By the final night I was completely unafraid.  I had been vigilant.  The darkness was gone.     

A tragic hero is defined as “a literary character who makes a judgment error that inevitably leads to his/her own destruction.” In Maggie: A Girl of the Streets, the main character Maggie had her share of struggles. She came from a poor, dysfunctional and abusive family. In spite of her lack of support and good role models, she remained a sweet, innocent girl until she met Pete. This is when her life changed. She traveled down a dark path with Pete. She loved Pete, maybe a little too much. She became obsessed over him and begged for his love, unfortunately, this love would not be returned. Overtime, her need for love steers her to prostitution and this causes her own downfall. She is a tragic hero. If she did not get obsessed and crazy about Pete, she would still be her same, sweet self. Instead, she got attached and it cost her life. Maggie is a tragic hero and caused her own downfall because she tried to be someone she was not.

At the beginning, Maggie is a sweet innocent girl She is referred to as “ the girl Maggie, blossomed in a mud puddle”. This means in spite of her poverty and humble means, she became a beautiful woman. When she first meets Pete, they are in love. She thinks he could be “the one”. The Narrator says “Maggie perceived that here was the beau ideal of a man. Her dim thoughts were often searching for far away lands where, as God says, the little hills sing together in the morning. Under the trees of her dream-gardens there had always walked a lover” (Crane, 19). She is imagining her life together with Pete, how they will be living in their utopia. Unfortunately, this sweet scene would soon fade away.

Maggie’s personality and actions started to change for Pete. The Narrator says “As to the present she perceived only vague reasons to be miserable. Her life was Pete’s and she considered him worthy of the charge. She would be disturbed by no particular apprehensions, so long as Pete adored her as he did now said he did. She did not feel like a bad woman. To her knowledge she had never seen any better” (Crane, 39). Maggie is saying how she notices she is changing, but it is for Pete and it will be worth it. She becomes very self conscious about herself and does not think she is good enough for Pete. She works in a factory, which she feels is a low class job. She also questions everything she wears and is no longer herself. However, this is what causes her downfall. She tries to become someone she is not for Pete, and he ends up leaving. The Narrator also says  “Maggie was pale. From her eyes had been plucked all look of self-reliance. She leaned with a dependent air toward her companion. She was timid, as if fearing his anger or displeasure. She seemed to beseech tenderness of him” (Crane, 57). Maggie had started to feel Pete may not love her anymore. As a result, she becomes very needy. This causes Pete to not love her and pull away, as Maggie becomes more desperate and needy. She eventually tries too hard to keep him and causes her own downfall. She is not the only one who noticed these changes.

Other people have also picked up on Maggie’s changes. Her Mother says “Yeh’ve gone teh deh devil, Mag Johnson, yehs knows yehs have gone teh deh devil. Yer a disgrace teh yer people, damn yeh. An’ now, git out an’ go ahn wid dat doe-faced jude [Pete] of yours. Go teh hell wid him, damn yeh, an’ a good riddance. Go teh hell an’ see how yeh likes it” (Crane, 30). Maggie’s mother, Mary is telling her daughter how she has ‘gone teh deh devil’, she is not herself and something is not right. Mary also says “Why don’ yeh come home earlier? Been loafin’ ’round d’ streets. Yer getting’ t’ be a regular devil” (Crane 144). Mary is saying how she believes Maggie has ‘Been loafin’ ’round d’ streets.’ She assumes she has been in the bad areas making poor decisions with her life, and she was correct.

By the end of the novel, Maggie has become a prostitute. She is described “A girl of the painted cohorts of the city”. Prostitutes would wear face paint to cover the diseases they have gotten over the years to try to still look attractive. The Narrator also says “a drunken man, reeling in her pathway, began to roar at her “I ain’ ga no money, dammit,” he shouted” (Crane, 80). She is walking and a drunk man is trying to get with her but he does not have any money. She is a prostitute and everyone knows it.

Maggie is a tragic hero and caused her own downfall. When she realized Pete may not love her, she should have confronted him to find out why. Her neediness and dependency did not help her situation. Instead, this leads her to a life of prostitute, searching for something she will never have. She cost herself her life because she changed who she was for someone else. Always be your true self, no matter what anyone says or does.

For people who do not know me, or have just met me, they usually get a false sense of who I really am. Most people will see a built, strong 6’4 man who looks like he could hurt anyone. A common question I get is “wow you must kill kids in hockey”. I usually play the role and respond “you know, here and there.” Once people get to know me, they realize I am not the tough man everyone thinks I am. You see, I have this problem. I am too nice, most noticeably in sports. This sin started when I was little. All my friends at the time were a lot shorter than I was, this caused me to play hockey like a small person, not the giant I was. This caused me to become as some would say “soft”. As the years kept flying by, I got taller, but still had this sin. My sin is the worst in hockey. The niceness sin took a bad turn during my fall travel team season in 2016. During an injury timeout in a game against the New Jersey Ironmen, we each went back to our benches to await for the assessment of the  injured player. My coach yelled “Where’s Kappelmann?” Turns out I was standing at center ice having a nice chat with some kids on the other team. I still talk to these guys to this day. My team’s reactions varied from “you might as well play for them” to “your supposed to hurt them not talk to them” and the greatest “we’re playing hockey, get numbers after the game.” I did not see anything wrong with this sin, what’s wrong with being nice and making new friends? In the games that followed I was always talking to the other team. Not ever trash talking, just getting to know them and hanging out. This sin carried on into the Hebron Men’s Varsity B Hockey season. Especially in the Kents Hill game. I played travel with many of the kids so we planned out before the game fun things to do in the game. This consisted of playing pass in warm ups, trying to find a time to fight (in fun of course) and constantly slashing each other. Coach Fidlers reaction was “Kapp,  you’re an idiot stop being so nice and hit someone.” This niceness stopped for the last three hockey games of our season. We were losing to Cushing, and some of our players were scared of the big team. I finally said “I’m done being nice, let’s hit someone”. That next shift I became the Ryan everyone thought I was and started hitting. This only lasted three games, I was soon back to my regular self. Ben, Quinn and Mason will constantly tell me “Kapp, you’re the softest kid I know. How can you be so big yet so soft?” When baseball  season started, Fidler was the first to ask “Kapp can you not be so nice this season?” Well, my sin only grew for baseball. While playing first base, I was able to talk to every player that reached base, even made a cool handshake with one kid from Gould. I am always told to just be mean and hurt someone, but that’s just not me. Not only do I enjoy this sin, it helps me play better. When I talk to the other team, it takes away my stress and helps me to stop overthinking and just play. So, is this the worst sin in the world? No. Would it be better if I was meaner? Of course. But, I am not a mean person. This is me, a gentle giant. I am more than happy to wear my letter which is the letter “N” standing for nice with typical things I will ask people during games.

Can’t always get what you want

People always wants more, even they have what they need. Sometimes they success, but most times they fail. We are greedy, but the reality makes us realistic. I’m no exception. In my middle school career, I tried to study really hard on Chinese, but a series of things happened that broke my dream.

After a terrible Grade 7 year in my middle school, I stepped into Grade 8. Everything started brand new, except my Chinese grade and my terrible relationship with my Chinese teacher. In Grade 7, I had a conflict with my teacher because I used some homework time to study English in order to study aboard. From now on my teacher was nonchalant to me. I tried really hard to make progress, and I really desire that my teacher can recognize my effort, but these things never happened. I still can remember that in a test I tried really hard to earn a second highest score on the reading section, but my teacher praised the persons who earned the first and third highest score, and indeed, she skipped me. I don’t know what I was feeling at that time, because I lost sense in that moment and I don’t know what I was feeling. So in Grade 8 I want to change this situation, or I will fail the High School Entrance Test on Chinese literature, and going abroad will be my only choice.

But things didn’t go as I expected. One day during the class, we were going to have a quiz. When she was passing the quizzes, she passed the quiz to everybody, except me. I could not imagine how awkward it is, because it was out of my imagination, as all the people stared at me for a second and when they saw my eyes, they turn their heads around. After class, I found my Chinese teacher, and I asked:

“Why did you not give me that quiz?”

“What? Oh! Do you even want it? I can give you now if you want.” She answered ironically.

“How the world has a teacher like you. Don’t even know what is respect.” I answered back with anger.

“Ohh…I don’t know what is respect. Ok, whatever you say.”She answered, and she left the classroom, left me alone.

I feel like that I just encounter the worse moment of my life, I had never been disdained so bad. My parents don’t even dare to treat me like this, but my Chinese teacher did. I give up the thought of continuing to study Chinese literature, because I found myself without no motivation while studying Chinese literature. Every time I think about Chinese literature, this moment will thrust up to the top of my head. I can not desire more on the relationship between my Chinese literature teacher and me, I can not get what I wanted which is to restore this relationship. I decided to go ahead, and use all the time to study English. I use my homework time that supposed to do my Chinese literature homework to study English, and I use the class time to study English too. Now thinking back to what happened in Grade 8, I’m glad that I did not get what I wanted, because I already had what I need, which is the opportunity to study abroad and have more opportunities available.  

The Lost Generation

After World War I, the lost generation emerged. Most of them fought in World War I, and most of them died. The war not only killed a lot of these young teenagers, but it also hurt the young teenagers who survived both physically and mentally. Some of them lost their sexual ability, some of them lost their value inherited from the past generation, and some of them lost the goal in their life. The war deprived their life away from them, they are empty. The teenager named Jake Barnes and his friends in the novel The Sun Also Rises are a typical example of the lost generation. The war deprived Jake’s sexual ability, and further deprived Jake’s life as a man. The war deprived the belief on life from Cohn, Michael, and Brett, who is the friend of Jake. Jake and his friend both wants to escape from this reality, they were lost in this world. They drink all the time to paralyze themselves, they idle on the street, they find their pleasure on the street at night to fill their empty life and they pursue some hopeless dream to fill their empty life, like Cohn pursuing Brett.

Jake and his friends were drinking all the time. Wine is a necessity to their life. Usually, why people drinks wine is to help them get rid of unhappiness, to help them forgot what happened in their life. Jake and his friends drink the wine for the same reason: they want to forget what happened that is not only inevitable but also makes them feel pain in their life. His friend Bill realized why Jake drinks wine, and told him that “You are an expatriate. You have lost touch with the soil. You drink yourself to death. You become obsessed by sex” (Hemingway 120.) Indeed, Jake drinks wine because he can not have any physical relationship with his lover Brett, therefore, there are no possibilities for Jake and Brett to be together. Jake was so upset by his impotent, so he drank to try to help paralyze himself, he drank to forget the fact that he is impotent and there’s no possibility between himself and Brett, he drunk to help himself to escape from the reality. Later, when Jake met Brett in Madrid, they went out to drink again. This time, Brett told Jake that “ You don’t have to drink too much” (Hemingway 250.) There are no possibilities between Brett and Jake, so there’s no need for Jake to continue to drink. Jake should just accept this truth, but Jake refused, and continue to drink. Jake didn’t want to accept this truth, he decided to continue to escape from reality, to be lost in this society.

They not only drink to escape from the reality, but also to find their pleasure, their life on the street at night. The night is dark, and dark can cover the reality. So the dark at night helps the lost generation like Jake and Brett to forget what happened to them temporarily. So they find their pleasure at night to fill their empty life. When Jake just arrived at Paris, he went out to seek a prostitute for dinner. “He watched a good-looking girl passed by, and then saw the first one coming back again. She came over and sat down at the table” (Hemingway 22.) He has a lover, but he is impotent, so they can not be together. So Jack went out to find a prostitute, which signified the sexual relationship, to try to fill his empty physical life brought by the fact that he is impotent, to try to escape from the reality. Similar things happened on Brett. She attended World War I too, and this war made her a lost generation; the war made her to lost his lover, Jake, because they can never be together anymore due to the fact that Jake is impotent. The war made her to not believe in love anymore, so she finds her pleasure at night. Jake saw Brett came in with “young men with white hands, wavy hair, white faces, grimacing, gesturing, talking” (Hemingway 28.) Brett was going to a club with some homosexual boys. She knows that there are no possibilities between her and some homosexual boys because these boys only love boys, but she still wants to stay with them because this fills her emptiness with emotion caused by the fact that she could not be together with her lover, Jake. She was trying to escape from the reality.

The people of the lost generation drink, and they find pleasure at night. But some of them are the exception. Some people, like Cohn, have their life destroyed by the World War I, so they tried to seek for a better life. Cohn read a book called The Purple Land. This book “recounts splendid imaginary amorous adventures of a perfect English gentleman in an intensely romantic land” (Hemingway 17.) Under the effect from this book, Cohn starts to imitate this English gentleman, to pursue a perfect life, or we can say, to pursue a life that is impossible. He started by pursuing Brett. He followed Brett to anywhere Brett goes. Finally, when Jake’s friend, Bill, Michael, and Brett gathered together during the fiesta, a tragical ending of the relationship between Brett and Cohn unveiled: Brett got rid of Cohn by going away with Romero. When Michael said that “Brett is gone off with the bull-fighter chap. They are on their honeymoon” (Hemingway 193,) the hope that Cohn held to pursue a perfect life immediately break apart. Cohn tried to escape from the fact that he has no life anymore by pursuing a better life, but he failed. He was trying to escape from the reality, but he failed.

The lost generation tried to escape from the reality where they got lost. They tried to drink, they tried to find their pleasure at night, they tried to pursue a better life, but they failed. The reality is what it is, nobody can escape from what had happened, and definitely included the lost generation.

And The Summer Was Over

I met my first real friend in my life in 2003. He is a skinny guy, really talkative, friendly and unassuming. We were the best friend in that time, that he was with me all day. In the school, we sat next to each other, talking about math problems, the poetries we learned during the class. Out of school, we talked about the cartoon that was on TV last night, how was is, and waiting for next episode to coming out. We also did some things that we can not do with our parents, like buying some food from store that our parents doesn’t allow to buy, buying some toys that are dangerous which apparently are disallowed by our parents. Back to a day in 2006, we did the most brave thing that we can do in that time. That is a hot day, the sun is burning everyone in the city except me and my friend. We went to the shore, and stay beside the shore. The water is limpid, just like our relationship. The air is so clean; You can never breathe that kind of clean air nowadays. In this beautiful scene, we brought a toy gun in the nearby store, which can shoot bullets, a kind of bullet that is really cheap and filled with some powder, but still being named as a toy gun. The intention of buying a toy gun is to shoot some fish in the lake, but obviously it is impossible to do that. Every bullets we shot into the lake sank down immediately. But neither of us wants to give up, so we just keep trying. Then the problem came, we messed up the order of shooting while we were arguing who is going next, and we started to quarrel with each other.

“This is my turn!” he said.

“No you stupid! Did you learn math in school?” I answered.

“You are saying that I’m wandering in school or what? I definitely learned math the school.” He threw his words back to me.

“Then problem solved. This is my turn.” I answered because I didn’t want to shoot after him.

He doesn’t want to say anything anymore; Instead, he just came and tried to take the gun out of my hand. “Bummmm…..” the sound that we all don’t want to hear came, we accidentally fired it and the gun shot a bullet out. The bullet hit his feet. I was frozen in there in a sudden. This is the first time that I hurt someone and the fear sucked all my senses out of my mind. My mind is void, I don’t know what to do and his toe just started to bleed. I did not intended to do this. Then after a minute the person who saw this around came, and asking what happened. I can not answer, I was just crying to death in there. They take my friend to the hospital, and my parents both come.

After the diagnosis, I went into the room, and to visit him. The doctor told me, him, his parents and my parents that the bone is not hurt, but the scar is certain. “There will be a scar in his feet.” That what the doctor told me. That is so bad because for myself, as a person who can easily get a scar just by scratching my skin harder, I know what a scar means. At least it is really unpretty. His parents are really angry about this, they told me that they will never forgive me. They even think I shoot him on purpose and they try to find the police. I ask for his forgiveness, explaining that I was not doing it on purpose, that it was just an accident when we are fighting for that toy gun. But his cold eye give me the answer. We are not friend anymore.

“You are too dangerous, I need to stay away from you.”

The outside is getting hotter and hotter, the air is dirty, feels like even the sun, the nature is teasing me, teasing of my naive mind. I lost a friend, who I thought I could do anything with him, and would stay together no matter what happened.

And the summer was over.

Downfall of A Relationship

Love exists in between two extremes. It can start hot and suddenly turn cold. People attract each other through their charming trait and decide to be together. Unfortunately, as the time passes, the relationship changes. People might regret the decision of being together, or they might insist on their decision at first. The lovers who insist on their choice are lucky because people are always changing their mind, not many people are willing to insist. One of the examples is the boyfriend, whose name is Pete, and the protagonist, Maggie, in the book “Maggie, A Girl Of The Street”, written by Stephen Crane. Their relationship started hot, so nobody thought their relationship start to turn cold quickly, but the dance hall they went reflected this.

The first time they went to the dance hall, the dance hall was filled with happy people. As the Crane depicted: “The dancer smiled upon the throng as if in acknowledgment of a warm welcome, and began to walk to and fro. A song, the words of which were inaudible. When she broke into the swift rattling measures of a chorus some half-tipsy men near the stage joined in the rollicking refrain and glasses were pounded rhythmically upon the tables. People leaned forward to watch her and to try to catch the words of the song. When she vanished there were long rollings of applause.” (Crane 32) They love the dancer, they give her a warm welcome, they give her long-rolling applause even though they think that they can not even hear what she was singing.  They are being lovely and enthusiastic to the dancer, just as how Pete treat Maggie. When Maggie came into the hall with him and sat down, he showed his care, love, and enthusiasm to Maggie, as she thought that “Pete brought forth all his elegance and all his knowledge of high-class customs for her benefit.”(Crane 33) He showed his gentleness to Maggie and asking a waiter for a bigger glass for Maggie for a drink, even though he didn’t even know what Maggie want. The waiter was annoyed by his tone, but he answered back with even more tough tone. Maggie and Pete were enjoying their first date, their hot relationship, just as the people in the dance hall enjoying the performance even though they didn’t even know what the performers were performing.

The second time they went to the dance hall, the dance hall changed a lot, as Crane depicted that “In a hall of irregular shape, A ballad singer, in a dress of flaming scarlet, sang in the inevitable voice of brass. When she vanished, men seated at the tables near the front applauded loudly, pounding the polished wood with their beer glasses. She received another enthusiastic encore. She reappeared in still less gown and danced” (Crane 57). The atmosphere in the dance hall changed; the audiences became crazier than before. They applauded loudly, and they pounded the polished wood with their beer glasses. They want more from the dancer, as every time she reappeared, she was wearing less. They showed their unusual interest and zeal to see the dancer to dance more, just as what happened between Pete and Maggie. Their relationship changed. Their role is not equal anymore: Pete now controls this relationship as Maggie became more and more dependent on him. “Pete’s air of distinguished valor had grown upon him until it threatened stupendous dimensions. He was infinitely gracious to the girl”  (Crane 57). He was gone crazy for this girl that he has the infinite care to this girl, Maggie. Their relationship had reached a culmination, just as the audiences’ craziness towards the dancers.

The third time they went to the dance hall, it’s completely different, as Crane depicted that “The smoke cloud was present, but so dense that heads and arms seemed entangled in it. A woman was singing and smiling upon the stage, but no one took notice of her” (Crane 64). This place became blurry and filled with uncertainty with smoke all around. The audience in here didn’t care about the dancers anymore. A woman was singing on the stage, but no one noticed her. They kept focusing on their own affair. Their attitude towards the dancers changed as their zeal towards dancers vanished suddenly, just as what happened between Pete and Maggie. A lot of uncertainty between their relationship started to be exposed. As Crane described that “The air of spaniel-like dependence had been magnified and showed its direct effect in the peculiar off-handedness and ease of Pete’s ways towards her.” “Pete and Nellie entered into a long conversation, exchanging reminiscences of days together. Maggie sat still, unable to formulate an intelligent sentence upon the conversation and painfully aware of it”(Crane 65) The dependence that Maggie showed made Pete feel burdened. The woman named Nellie who came back from Buffalo started to interrupt their relationship by luring Pete. This caused their relationship to collapse. Pete started to ignore Maggie by focusing on the conversation with Nellie, and came out with her, leaving Maggie behind alone. Pete now didn’t even want to notice Maggie, and he moved his focus from Maggie to that new girl named Nellie. No matter what Maggie did, Pete kept focusing on Nellie. The love between Pete and Maggie completely changed, their love turned cold at sudden, as the third person interrupted their relationship, just as the relationship between the audiences and the dancers: they liked each other before, but not at now because the audiences have new things to focus on.

Love can start hot, and suddenly turn cold. Pete and Maggie had their first date in the dance hall, where the people are enthusiastic about the performance, like Pete and Maggie, enthusiastic about this new relationship. Their relationship goes to a culmination. They fall into this relationship and can not move out, just as the people who are enjoying the performance and asking for more. Suddenly, their relationship turns cold, as the third person interrupted their relationship, just as the audiences didn’t care about performers anymore, because they have their own affairs to do.