“A” is for…

Altruistic, unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others. A characteristic most often viewed in a positive light, turned out to be my downfall. It was the fall of my freshman year, and I had no idea what was headed my direction over the next couple of months. If I can take anything away from my experience with life so far, it’s that you should always expect the unexpected because before you know it, you’ll be a fifteen year old freshman who accidentally fell in love with a senior. Before my story begins there are a few key aspects I have to introduce. The first being, anyone, no matter how convincing, is capable of manipulating you into becoming someone you are not, and that means you have to be very cautious when choosing your crowd of people.

So my story begins, I was fifteen years old, living under the influence of my older sister and learning about life’s many trials and tribulations through her. At that point in time, she was my best friend, and from the bottom of my heart, I wish I had kept it that way. Along the socially awkward, strange, and honestly unnecessary journey that we call freshman year, I began to meet new and awesome individuals from other countries as well as my own. One of these however, became someone I called my everything. This person was not only my best friend, but someone I spent each and every day with. We would spend the least amount of time possible away from each other, until it began to grow unhealthy. The hardest part for me to look back on is that the more unhealthy it grew, the more I shared my love. This is where my altruism is introduced. Not only did I spend way too much time with this person, but I put my entire body’s energy and force into making them happy, making them feel loved, making sure they were okay, all the while forgetting, I was human too. I had feelings too. I hurt too, yet none of that mattered to me. None of it mattered because I loved that person, and when you love someone, or so I thought, you do everything in your power to ensure that they always feel that love, even if that means your own self destruction in the process. For everyone who has not yet figured it out, putting your personal happiness and health after that of the people around you, or even just one person in particular, will only steer you straight into the headlights of an oncoming car. You find yourself in danger, but not just for a second, you feel the car speeding towards you, ripping across thedark tar, coming closer and closer until it’s about to strike you and you blink. Instead of a car in front of you it’s that person, and instead of them sitting beside you in the passenger seat of the car, holding your hand, they’ve become the driver. Every second of each day you relive that moment, the car getting closer and closer, and you’re stuck there. And instead of the car hitting you and it all coming to an end, you blink again and they’restill there. Before you know it the car is coming at you again. This is the cycle I faced for the remainder of that year. A continuous revolving door of manipulation pushing me around and around, yet I could not get out of it. In fact, I chose not to get out because of my persistence to please those around me. I devoted my time and energy to becoming a mold this person had crafted for me, instead of one I should have made for myself. That is the feeling an altruistic person faces when it overcomes them. There comes a point where you can only do so much for others until it becomes your own self destruction. I know that now, and today I sit here with an “a” branded on my chest, covered in red and orange glitter that is pleasing to the eyes of others, yet still in lowercase font so the people around me still shine brighter than I do. A is for altruistic, altruistic is and has always been me.