American Literature (C) Portfolio

Shaking Fingers

Back to 2012, the second year of my middle school career, our school continued their tradition, organizing a musical festival which lasted over for 70 years already. This is a big chance for every class, every student, to stand out in the festival, also in the school. As a “multi-instrumentalist”, I definitely won’t miss this chance of performing in front of every student in our grade, in our school. Our class, class 7, started to prepare for this festival, because this is our last chance of attending this festival. So from the outset of our preparation for this festival as a class, I volunteered to be an electric guitar player when they are recruiting a student who can accompany for the songs that we are going to sing in this festival.

Three Days later, when our class council finally decided which songs we are going to sing in this festival, they gave me a score, telling me to play the exact same thing when I go to the stage. No improvisation, just follow the score. I still can remember my first reaction when I saw the score: easy as hell. So I went off to my dorm and started my practice with this score.

Everything is going smoothly, but the weird things finally come. Every time I rehearse with other musicians and my classmate, who is going to sing in the festival, I will mess it up. My fingers just started to shack and no matter how I can not calm them down. So every rehearsal I had been through is not satisfied to me. But things is different when I practice by myself, my fingers never shack when I practice by myself. The days passed, the preparation is nearly to the end, but I still can not find a way to calm my fingers down. I started to doubt myself, whether I can do it or not. But things just can not go back, I have to do it no matter what happened. I take the work, then I need to finish it.

Finally, the day had come, the festival started. When we, me and my classmates, were in the backstage, I asked our drummer, how to calm down when she is getting nervous:

“What will you do if you are getting nervous?” I asked.

“Don’t worry about it, just think that everybody who is sitting in the seat, watching our performance, as a cabbage, or broccoli, that looks stupid and invital. So you will not worry about their reactions, because you do not know what these cabbages, or broccolis, are thinking about.” She answered back with a really confident tone.

The thing she said is really reasonable, but the reality is not always going by our thought. The reality is, When I went on to the stage, pulling out my guitar, and be prepared to perform, my fingers started to shake again. Definitely, I tried to think of the audience as a bunch of stupid cabbage or broccoli, but my brain, my eyes knows that the audience is real human, not cabbages or broccoli. As I underwent before, during our class rehearsal, this feeling means that I’m going to fail, and if this happens, this moment will be super embarrassing, that will brand on my mind, in my memory.  And finally, not to “disappoint” anyone, this memory has been branded on my mind, I messed up everything, solo, accompaniment, literally everything. I was like a wood stuck into the ground, no facial expression, no movement, and with a blank mind. I was facing the audience, and I saw these people with ears covered by their hand, feeling scared by my performance. I don’t know what to do, until my classmate dragged me out of my seat, because the next class is going to perform.

This is the most embarrassing moment I ever had until now in my life. Until now, when I am planning to perform in front of everybody, like MusicMondayy, I will definitely not choosing to perform electric guitar, because every time I hold a guitar in front of many people, this memory emerges up in my mind. Although It has passed for over 4 years, I still can feel that embarrassment and the disappointment in my classmate’s’ face. All of this is caused by my shaking fingers, my nervousness. This has been branded in my memory.

Grapes. I remember the taste of grapes on my tongue as I sat with him. Soft and squishy in my mouth. Sweet yet sour simultaneously. Specifically purple grapes not green, those were too sour for his sensitive mouth. As he sat in his wheelchair with me on his lap I looked up into his big blue eyes that sparkled in the sunlight.

“Tessie teenie pay attention to this little trick,” he said. I watched as he put a grape between his lips and then sucked it in so it made a loud “shwoop” noise. As my three year old self giggled with delight my parents looked on with humor hidden with disapproval.

I continued to giggle while saying, “Again, graaa-poppie again,” because I couldn’t quite pronounce great yet. He proceeded to show me again and then taught me how to do it myself which I took great delight in as he was my role model at the time.

It was February, 14th 2004, four days after my sister had been born. My dad got the call and even though Jules had just been born he left for Pennsylvania. My four year old self did not understand what was going on. “Why is daddy leaving? Where is he going? I want to go with daddy.” I whimpered as I watched him get in the car.

“When daddy gets back he will explain everything Tessie, I promise.” answered my tired mother who was holding my crying sister while attempting to keep me from escaping the house. Three days later when my dad pulled in the driveway I ran outside to greet him. He picked me up and spun me around like he always did when he came home.

“Daddy, where did you go?” I asked while looking up into his soft green eyes.

“I had to go help Nana, Great Poppie had to go away, so I had to help her.” he said and I watched as the tears formed on the corners of his eyes.

“Daddy, what do you mean? Where did Great Poppie have to go?” I questioned him with my voice with my piercing eyes staring up at him.

“He had to go away, you won’t be seeing him again.” he responded solemnly.

When my mom and dad used to live in Boston my great poppie would go visit them often at their apartment. Every time he would arrive he would have a new baby tomato plant to give them. Tomatoes were his favorite fruit, and he made sure everyone knew that they were in fact a fruit. My mom had long run out of room on her balcony for all the tomato plants so the new one had to go in the bathroom next to the window. This didn’t bother him though as he was mostly concerned about making sure that my mom would never run out of tomatoes. She tells me this story every time he comes up in conversation, but I never got tired of it.

On the ten year anniversary of Great Poppie’s death we brought good morning geraniums to his grave in Scranton where he was laid to rest. These were his favorites flowers. As we all stood looking down at the sweet flowers different memories flew through our minds. For me, my mind went back to those days in the nursing home, the only setting I ever saw him in. The grapes, the soft blue eyes that sparkled, the tenderness he implored.

Back to the grapes. The clearest memory I have, the most important memory, my most cherished memory. Purple grapes not green. The trick followed by my parents’ humor and disapproval. This is my tribute to you Great Poppie. I will forever hold you in my heart, I will forever cherish our limited memories. I will forever remember the purple grapes.

Immoral Society

The society we are now in has incredibly advanced technology, compared to the day back to 17th century when the Puritan society was just established in America. Our society changed a lot, we have new cars coming out every year, integrated with the technology that before, only existed in our imagination, like auto-driving technology. Although our society is much more advanced compared to the Puritan society, our inner world, our moral, is going backward. Superstition is growing among people; people are becoming more corrupt and abuse their power; Individuals have no ethic.

The superstition nowadays is growing and even worse compared to the superstition in the Puritan society. Back to the puritan society, when the Salem Witch Trials started, the townspeople really thought that the witches that were hanging around Salem were real, as they say, “The Devil is precise; the marks of his presence are definite as stone.” (Miller 35) After then they started to abuse witches in order to protect themselves from being attacked by the spirit of the witches. The whole thing eventually turned out to be a ridiculous disaster, people found that there was no “witch” in the town, they were fooled by their superstition regarding the witches. Now, around 350 years later, superstition still exists in society, people are still being fooled by the superstition they insist on, ISIS is a typical example. ISIS is a terrorist group based on the Doctrine of Islam, but some have twisted the Doctrine, saying that people will redeem themselves, by fighting to death to kill the person who is offensive to Islamic god. Many people who joined ISIS thought that joining ISIS could redeem themselves by killing and this can ameliorate previous sinfulness (Tucker 2015). What this caused is that many people become a loyal fighter who never leaves the battlefield until they die; or a bomber, detonate themselves to kill another group of people, to satisfy Islamic god, to redeem themselves from the previous sins. (Wood 2014) As a common sense detonate yourself or fight until the death doesn’t redeem you, and witches do not exist in this world. You are sinning more as you are killing more people, because no one can deprive our right to live, this is a most precious gift granted to everyone. At least the people from the puritan society eventually realized that they are fooled, there’s no witch is their town, but the people who live in contemporary society are keeping joining ISIS, believing that they are doing the right thing, they are redeeming themselves. Things are getting worse as the power of ISIS is expanding every day, as the report indicated “they have at least six armies in Africa, and innumerable cells in Europe and America.” (Scarborough 2016) The country as powerful as the United States of America doesn’t even have 6 armies in Africa. The extent of explosion or terrorist attack is growing every time it happens, killing more and more people, The superstition is getting worse and worse, compare with the superstition in the puritan society.

Not only superstition is getting worse, the corruption and abuse of power are getting worse as the superstition is getting worse. During the Salem Witch Trial, many people were accused with many ridiculous reasons. It is ridiculous that you would be laughed and blamed if you accuse a person of using these ridiculous reasons nowadays. The fact is that the people used these ridiculous reasons for the accusation, and it achieved their goal. In later research, people found why they can success using the ridiculous reasons is that the people who are accusing usually were abusing the power they have, or impelled by the power behind them. The corruption is actually shown during the Trial, a girl named Abigail, a teenager, threaten a governor whose name is Danforth, warning that “ What look do you give me? Don’t give me such look!” (Miller 103) This seems like a small and irrelevant case, but this girl dares to threaten a governor, who represent authority, as well as the local law. This girl can do this because she has the power that greater than the governor, so she is abusing her power and accusing everybody of ridiculous reason, and she is always innocent. Same as our society nowadays. The election in America for the presidency is going to an end, and everything, no matter is a scandal, or a good news, comes to an end. From the outset of this campaign, a surprise comes. Hilary uses her private email to read classified email that should be read in the official email, and even saved a lot of classified emails, which definitely breached the law. Now a person with power can even read highly classified emails that matter the whole country just by abusing their power, and these document also should not be saved personally, it is the document that belongs to the country. This is basically stealing a country’s secret, which is a crime that will bring her to the jail, probably for whole life, but the fact is that it does not bring her to the jail; instead, a day before the poll starts, the FBI clarifies that “Based on their review,we have not changed our conclusion made in July.” (Comey 2016) The conclusion in here is that FBI decided not to charge Hillary Clinton. A person who breached national law are not paying for what she did, this is ridiculous. This person is stepping on the law, a national law, just because she has the power to read the things she should not even open, and has that power to let the FBI says that she will not be charged. Now we have a person who can abuse her power to step on national law, so threaten a local authority representation is a small case compare with this one. Our society is getting more corrupt.

In addition to corruption and superstition, our ethic is degrading at the same time. Back to the puritan society, when the people who reckon the adultery as an infamy that should be with you for your whole life, once you committed, as the Hester Prynne, who committed adultery, being recognized as a figure of sin and “ the infamy, which brought by committing the sin, would be her only monument.” (Hawthorne 71) We can see that people hate the person who commits adultery, which is not acceptable ethically because the person will break the promise between him, or her, and him, or her, spouse, and people in that time hates it, disdain it. You can see their disdain from recognizing Hester as a figure of sin and carries infamy that will never leave Hester even she dies. These people who disdain it all has correct ethic, but as the time passed, these people were all gone. Nowadays adultery, the offense against our ethic, is happening every day, everywhere, and people seems not caring this anymore. “In France, the transgression is so forgivable that president Francois Mitterand’s mistress sat alongside his wife at his state funeral.” (Counter 2016) This is crazy because adultery is happening so obvious, even in a president’s family, the representation of a country. Francois Mitterand is in the front, and his wife can even stay with her husband’s mistress, who represent the break of promise between her and her husband, without any uncomfortable feeling and hate, and feels that the adultery is forgivable. You can not even imagine that this is going to happen back to the Puritan society, because promise is important, our marriage, social agreement, international trade contract, is all different kinds of promises. If people can break the promises easily, our society will be a mess. Unfortunately, in our society, it happened. The people nowadays don’t know what is the promise, they don’t have ethic, so they can stand the adultery, stand the break of promise, and stand the break of ethic.

Everything is getting worse, superstition, corruption, and loss of ethic, compare without old puritan society.  Our society is formed by every individual, every individual influence others, and this whole society. If every individual can do their job, by refusing superstition, protesting corruption, and correcting their ethic, our society can still be saved.

A Reverential Man

A reverential person possesses kindness, pureness, and definitely is a good person. But it doesn’t mean that they are a person without shortcoming, they are a person who never makes any mistakes and never commit any sin, because they have emotion, like what we have, too. In the book The Scarlet Letter, written by Nathaniel Hawthorne, Arthur Dimmesdale, a reverence Puritan minister who fell in love with Hester Prynne, committed a sin that he, as a reverential man, should never reveal, or even commit. Although he did commit this sin, it does not mean that he is an evil, a figure of corruption, he is still a good person, possessing kindness, pureness, and revere by townspeople and moreover, who can feel guilty, and possess what the most people don’t possess in that time period: emotion, or love, which means that he is a figure of love.

Dimmesdale is a good person that the townspeople revere. He worked hard and doing good things for the townspeople, as Hester said that “you work good among the townspeople,” (Hawthorne 175) and the townspeople think that he is “the saint on the earth, the godly youth.” (Hawthorne 130). The townspeople think he is the saint on the earth because he is doing good things to the townspeople, therefore the townspeople think that he is so good, so kind, so pure, like a god that is also pure, kind, good, and doing good things, loving the people who love him. This is why they revere him, thinking that Dimmesdale is the saint, and this also reflects that Dimmesdale is a good person, not an evil person that born to do the bad things.

Dimmesdale is a good person, with love in his heart all the time, so that is why he are willing to protect his lover, Hester Prynne when she needs. When Hester are asked to give her child, Pearl, her only world, she tries to argue that the God gives this child to her. But Governor Bellingham says that the child is pure, so it is impossible that Pearl is your child. When Hester is almost failed arguing with the governor and her child will be taken, the minister, Arthur Dimmesdale, stand out and argue that “God gave her the child, and gave her, too, an instinctive knowledge of its nature and requirements,-both seemingly so peculiar,—- which no other can possess. (Hawthorne 102) Dimmesdale is arguing that the God gave Hester the child and also gave her the knowledge to manage the child, to teach the child, so there’s no reason you should take the child away from Hester. This gives Hester enough reason to keeps her child, because of the minister, who can talk with God, said that God gives the child to her. After then, Governor Bellingham stopped trying to take the child away from Hester. He helps Hester is all because he wants to help her lover stay away from being taken away her only world. He saved Hester’s only world.

Although Dimmesdale is a good person, who possess love, kindness, and pureness, he is also a sinner, as he is worrying that “the universe were gazing at a scarlet token on his naked breast.”(Hawthorne 134) The scarlet token represents the sin, he is a sinner, and he is trying to hide it; the sin is a barrier in his heart that can not pass through as he is worrying every day, because he is a good person, he can realize that he committed the sin, and trying to hide it. If he is an evil person, he will never realize the sin because the evil person is born to destroy, to do bad things, to break rules, to commit sins. They also don’t hide what they have done because they are redeeming their value as an evil person. Also in the later scene, he finally reveals the sin, as he did what he withheld himself from doing seven years ago, which is reveal the heavy sin.(Hawthorne 231) He can not hide the sin anymore, his conscience, his good quality, can not allow him to hide sin anymore, or he will destroy himself by the sin, because he is born as a good man, not an evil man that do bad things every day and don’t even feel sinned.

Unfortunately, Arthur Dimmesdale, a sinner, but more of a good person, died because he hides his sin for so long that the guilt he feels destroyed him. Even though he died, because the sin, he is still a good person, who is revered by the townspeople, doing good things to townspeople, who has love in his heart, who can feel the guilt, not an evil person that is born to destroy, to do bad things, to break rules, to commit sins.

Many believe that Maggie is tragic hero in the novel Maggie: A Girl of the Streets by Stephen Crane; however, she is the complete opposite. To be a tragic hero is to be responsible for your own downfall. This does not occur in Maggie’s case which is a high controversy in the literary world. Although Maggie did become a prostitute, her actions were not the reason for her downfall; instead, her downfall was caused by her violent home life, her relationship with Pete, and her lack of self-respect.

In the time period when this story was written a violent home life was common and not thought to be domestic abuse like it would be in present day. This was the lifestyle for the Irish immigrants who lived in bad areas and were poor. Although it was no surprise for a family to hit their children and scream at each other, it left a lasting impact on Maggie and contributed to her overall downfall. One of these moments occur when Jimmie is carrying a pail of beer and is seen by his father, “The man caught his breath and laughed. He hit his son on the head with the empty pail. As it rolled clanging into the street, Jimmie began to scream and kicked repeatedly at his father’s shins” (Crane). Here is one of the first scenes where the readers see the violence occurring inside Maggie’s home. After her father takes the pail filled with beer and drinks it all Jimmie acts out and starts hitting his father as he hits him on the head with the pail. What is surprising to most readers is how the kid is just as violent to their parent even though they are inferior to their guardian. As the story progresses Maggie’s mother, Mary, is a constant reason for Maggie wanting to leave the house. Her mother acts surprised when she finds out that Maggie has gone to the dark side when she says, “ ‘Ah, who would t’ink such a bad girl could grow upin our fambly, Jimmie, me son. Many deh hour I’ve spent in talk wid dat girl an’tol’her if she ever went on deh streets I’d see her damned’” (Crane chap. 10). What Mary says is ironic because she says that she brought up Maggie teaching her to not become a prostitute; however, she didn’t raise her at all. This quote also shows how her mother was unstable in that she changes her story based on facts she has heard. Although Maggie’s home life contributed to her downfall there was another aspect that led to it which was her relationship with Pete.

At the beginning of the story Maggie doesn’t even realize that guys exist; however, as the story progresses she begins to fall for one of Jimmie’s friends, Pete. As the readers see her fall for Pete they see how she falls for him because of the way he acts and how he dresses. She thinks that he is a complete gentleman, but the readers know that he isn’t. For example, one day when he is visiting Jimmie, Maggie walks into the room and Pete says to her, “ ‘Say, Mag, I’m stuck on yer shape. It’s outa sight,’” (Crane). To Maggie this is a compliment and she takes it with happiness; however’ the readers know that getting comments on your physical appearance is not considered a compliment. Maggie believes it is a compliment because she has never had anything nice said to her so she embraces it. The readers see this as part of her downfall because of how naive she is to the actual world around her. As the story of Pete and Maggie continues Maggie becomes dependent on him since her whole family has shut her out. This is dangerous for her because Pete does not have her best interests at heart. In the following quote the readers are able to see how Maggie has changed in time, “She leaned with a dependent air toward her companion. She was timid, as if fearing his anger or displeasure. She seemed to beseech tenderness of him” (Crane). Not only is Maggie now dependent of Pete, but she is now scared of him. Also she is trying to ‘beseech’ tenderness otherwise known as begging for his affection. To watch this happen to Maggie is hard because of the future she could have had if she had come from a different home. Although her relationship with Pete and her home life were two important factors in her overall downfall her lack of self-respect was the biggest factor that ultimately led to her downfall.

During the time period of this story women weren’t well respected which was one of the reasons why Maggie did not have self-respect but she lost complete self-respect for herself when she became a girl of the streets. When she was younger Maggie was an innocent young girl looking for a better life. She thought she found it with Pete but was sadly wrong. The readers start to see her losing self-respect for herself when she no longer believes that her clothes are good enough. Maggie starts trying to be someone that she is not. The narrator explains by saying, “She envied elegance and soft palms. She craved those adornments of person which she saw every day on the street, conceiving them to be allies of vast importance to women” (Crane). This is a heartbreaking scene to read because Maggie is jealous of other women for having more than she does when she should be happy with what she has. At this point she is still innocent at the beginning of this want for something more than what she has, but this is also where her self-respect fades away and no longer does she realize that she is fine on her own. In one of the final chapters of the book the readers see that Maggie has now completely changed and is living on the streets. She is no longer afraid to look at men on the street; instead, she embraces it because she enjoys getting that tiny amount of attention. “She threw changing glances at men who passed her, giving smiling invitations to men of rural or untaught pattern and usually seeming sedately unconscious of the men with a metropolitan seal upon their faces” (Crane). Maggie has officially hit rock bottom in this scene where she is completely alone on the streets embracing any kind of attention she could get. It is devastating to watch because of what she could have been if she had had a better life in the beginning.

To have no self-respect, to have a violent home life, to have a bad relationship takes a toll on a person. It can ruin a person which is exactly what happened to Maggie. Although there were some things she could have done to save herself from spiraling into her downfall, she did not know this because there was no one there to help guide her in the right direction. Maggie’s overall downfall came in stages throughout the story where we were able to see the clear reasons why she ended up in the streets. Maggie, a young innocent child became “a girl of the streets” where her final downfall was not even depicted because of the lack of care in the society, and for the the society that was their downfall.

Annoying Phone Call

Back to September 2014, the first month I came to Hebron Academy, my dear parents left me alone in this place in the middle of nowhere. The kids in here seem strange because I was afraid that I can not interact with them with my English skill, and I don’t really want to play with these Chinese kids either as they seem really noisy and annoying. I feel really lonely. In the meantime, my parents went to the one of the most dangerous national park in the world: Yellowstone National Park. This made me worried even more. I can not imagine how dangerous is Yellowstone National Park: the geyser that hot as the hellfire that can cook you in 1 second; the wild animals, like bear, can tear you up and eat you except your bone; the cliff, deep as the abyss, once you fall off, you can never come back. These scene has been flashing through my mind over and over, and I started to apply it to my own parents, which I still can not figure out why, with the help of my sentimental mind.

“Oh god… This can not be happening…. This too… My parents won’t fall into the geyser… Hope my parents are safe…”

In the first day of their Yellowstone trip, I called my parents to ask them how is the park. They answered with extreme excitement that I have never seen before when they are visiting some national parks in China:

“ You can not imagine how beautiful this park is even we are still on the edge of the park. Everywhere seems so natural, well-protected. You should come next time.”

I’m not in the mood of discussion how beautiful the park is, I answered: “okay…okay… I will come. But is you and my dad safe?”

“Don’t worry boy. We can not be safe any more than we are right now. Don’t worry. ”

I hanged off the phone after saying goodbye. Although they are not in the park right now, I still felt worried after hanging the phone. The scenes keep flashing in my mind. I try to get rid of them, but they are so stubborn, like the stains on your cloth that you can never obliterate. One part of my mind knows that my parents will be fine, but the another part of my mind keeps worrying because they are my only support and friends right now, I don’t want to lose them. This makes me feel unsettled, and I have no mood to study anymore.

Next day, I called them again. My parents feel a little bit surprised:

“Oh dear, you don’t have any class today?”

“Yes, I have. But not hard.” I answered. “How is your day? Are you safe?”

“Don’t worry haha. We are safe. We visited one of the geysers today and it is spectacular!” My mom answered with a joyful tone.

After hearing geyser, I can not hold on to myself anymore. The scene that my parents fall into geyser keeps flashing in my mind and it scared me. I answered with a little bit fear:

“Are you and my dad safe? The geyser is hot and be careful to not fall into the geyser.”

“Don’t worry. The fences protect as from falling into the geyser..” My mom answered. “But what’s wrong with you? Why you are worrying so much?”

“ I don’t know…” I answered.

“Don’t worry too much and focus on your academic work. We are both safe.”

My mom hanged off the phone right after the last word she said. I feel a little bit disappointed because they seem a little bit angry and not appreciating my care to them. Anyway, I still feel happy and relieved that they are safe.

The thing starts to change after 2 days, when I call them regularly to talk some daily life with them, the phone responded that their cell phone were shut down. I can not find them. I sent tons of text message, voice message to them, but there’s no reply. I started to feel panic. The scenes started to flash in my mind again: I imagine they fell into the geyser that the hellfire cooked them; I imagine that their bus gets attacked by bears; I imagine they fallen off from a bottomless cliff. I can not even sleep at night, I felt like I lost a support, my dearest people.

3 days later, my phone ringed. Unexpectedly, I received a reply from my mom. I was too eager to talk to them that I don’t even open the voice message; instead, I called them right away. When the call is connected, my parents shout to me angrily:

“Are you fine? Why did you send like a million message to us? We just lost cell phone signal for a few days. Why you are so worried?”

“ Oh.. Sorry… I just don’t want you and my dad to be hurt.”

“ I told you don’t be worried and focus on your academic work! Why you still worrying? You have more important thing to do! We are adults and can handle our safety” My mom continued to shout to me.

“ I know, I know.” I was disappointed. “I now know you are safe. I will focus on my study..”

“Then go focus on your own school life!”

After this thing, I realized that I was too worried and sentimental about the things that are uncertain. I love my parents, but it’s too much and redundant if I worry about them every day even if they are safe and complete. Loving your parents and being careful is good, but don’t do it too much, or you might annoy, or hurt yourself, and the person, the people you care, you love.

To Prove

He was standing on the stage. The light fell on his eyes and reflected back. The laughter down the stage pierced into his ear, and his heart. He messed up the song, and everything.

He’s my roommate, a quiet, but capable boy, who was looked down by other people.  Three months before our class started to prepare for the upcoming competition, and this was the first time for him to actually contribute to our class, which was a moment he was dreaming about. He volunteered to play piano for the song we chose to sing in the competition, and he was ready to show off his skills, which he had practiced for over eight years. The song was not hard, but it was hard to him. He wanted this opportunity so bad that he wanted to prove to everybody that he was capable of doing everything others can do, and he could even do it better.

The basketball court, where my roommate always went after school, missed him so much. He was in the art center every day, practicing everyday. I saw his fingers dancing on the keyboard, I saw his ability and determination. When he played the song during the rehearsal, I saw that his eyes never moved in other directions but stayed on the keyboard while other classmates were being nonchalant and lazy about the rehearsal and the upcoming competition. He did perfect on the rehearsal, and I really looked forward to his performance on the stage when it was time for our class to come up to the stage and sing in the competition.

Thirty minutes before the competition, it was time for us to go up and set up the stage for our performance. I went to find my roommate, and I saw the sweat on his forehead. I told him to not be so nervous, but he could not do it. When he stood on the stage and sat in front of the piano, the only thing I could see was the light reflected from his forehead. The song starts smoothly, but when a note that did not fit into this song passed through my ears, and with a series of notes following up, I knew that bad thing happened. I looked at him, his fingers were not dancing anymore, instead, they was wiping his eyes.

My roommate used to ask me: “Why people keeps undervaluing me?” I told him that probably that’s what humans are, and what the life is. This is not a movie, where the protagonist come out at the end proving everybody was wrong, proving everybody that he is better than they thought. Unfortunately, the people in reality, the life, is not what performed in a movie. You are not the protagonist in the movie. We sometimes just can not prove that everybody is wrong, even though we worked so hard for it. Although this was the best chance for him to prove himself, he just failed to prove how valuable he is to the people who keep undervaluing him.  It’s not the end of the day, because no matter what happened, a gold will always be shiny. What you could do is to be yourself, keep working hard. Work for the people who cares about you, like your friends, your family, and the people who support you. These people are who truly knows how valuable you are. The people who keep undervaluing you? You don’t need to care about them.

Fitzgerald signifies that watching is a better way to gain knowledge, about the reality of life and your surrounding, through the character owl eyes and the picture of T.J. Eckleburg.

He employs the motif that watching is more knowledgeable than talking because as readers we often have an epiphany while reading about any instance referring to owl eye of T.J. Eckleburg. This statement relates to the question, “Is Nick an omniscient and reliable narrator?” because though he often watched Gatsby and the other characters in the book, he becomes suspect to becoming overwhelmed by each situation and often takes sides and loses what the reality of life is. Nick, along with his friends, is often found believing that the world he lives in with Gatsby is reality, but we as readers see the dramatic irony in this statement because the money and careless attitude of the two place them in a world far from it.

It takes characters like owl eyes and T.J. Eckleburg to help Nick realize that he has succumbed to being apart of a world that is solely based on his feeling and the actions of others. For example, when Gatsby dies and no one shows up to his funeral, but his father, Nick and owl eyes. Owl eyes’s statement to Nick about how people could find “the driveway” when there were parties, but couldn’t when there was a funeral, opened Nick’s eyes to the fact that people in life don’t care about you, but what you can do for them. Owl eyes’ statements represent Daisy because she loved Gatsby when he was new and had money to treat her with, but left him when he became too needy.

These two characters also represent Emerson’s idea of an all seeing eyeball, transparent eyeball.T.J. Eckleburg is able to see everything that happens between Tom and Wilson at the Gas station; all the pathetic instances of deceit, guile, trickery, and even death. T.J. Eckleburg represents not just the transparent eyeball, but the rest of society and reality. All the characters in Nick’s life seem to be enthralled in only “seeing” what occurs in their life, and nothing else. They represent a fake society made up of money, and false hopes and dreams. The rest of the world, T.J. Eckleburg, and owl eyes, see this group of people and take what they do, with a grain of salt because it only affects that group of people and no the rest of the world.

All of the little events and actions that make up the motif that Fitzgerald is trying to get across, contribute into making the plotline of The Great Gatsby, bigger than life and like a fantasy that is unobtainable in society. His motif of watching is more important than talking speaks to the readers and all human beings. We often becomes so enthralled in our own live that we become self-centered, and unable to see where our live fin in reality. T.J. Eckleburg and owl eyes represent the transparent eyeball because they are basically fake and unreal. Eckleburg is a painting, and Owl eyes is only the transparent eyeball because of what he represents. Talking allows you to become a part of any fake reality because it brings you into a person’s, world, but watching allows you to stay on the outside of life looking in on all the lives of others who often live in face societies that drags them away from reality. The transparent eyeball is obtainable for any person because of we are as human beings. People need to have interactions with people, even Thoreau failed at living by himself in the woods while trying to separate himself from society. I take away that often reality is a fantasy and fantasy can never be a reality. Watching allows a glimpse at reality, but obtaining a perspective based on reality is impossible for anyone and everyone.

Evolution of Morality in Society

Often the focus in the American society is how we have evolved as a country to bigger and better things. When talking about how we have improved on the morality of our country as a whole, we tend to overlook the mistakes that have been covered up to preserve our outer appearance as the world’s greatest country in all aspects of life. Compared to the societal ways of the 1600’ s-1700, the only reason that separates the morality of the Puritans and early Catholics from modern day society, is the amount of people willing to go against the established mold and fight for what is morally correct rather than socially accepted. The present identity that the American society has taken allows humans to protest more, whether they are morally correct or incorrect. Following the previous statement, the only difference is larger amounts of people ‘believing’ that they are morally sound compared to those in the previous era, 1600’s-1700.

In society, a man is often looked upon how he relates to the accepted values of popular culture and association, but not how his morals portray respect, work ethic, and leadership. In the play, “The Crucible”, the plot line depicts the power of high-ranking officials as the deciding factor of what is morally correct. During the accusing of Salem citizens in the witch trials, many innocent lives were lost. The cowardliness of the men in charge, who were more worried about how they were respected and the amount of power they held over others, affected the decisions they made in predicting the future of the lives that depended on their sound judgment. John Proctor states, “I have three children—how may I teach them to walk like men in the world, and I sold my friends?” (Miller 143). John’s morals portray a man who values his friends and their lives, no matter how he looks in front of others. This is the exact opposite of the theme in the book. Officials that have power abuse it to keep their societal positions of authority, because John worries about the well being of others rather than the way he is viewed by others.

This ordeal towards the acceptance of one’s morals relates to scenes in the book, “The Scarlet Letter”, written by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Hester, the dynamic main character in the story, is looked down upon because of the sin she committed. She realizes that she can only change her future by letting her true morals shine through her sinful past. The townspeople say, “ “It is our Hester, —the town’s own Hester, —who is so kind to the poor, so helpful to the sick, so comfortable to the afflicted!” (Hawthorne 147). Hester is seen doing good deeds for the poor and needy, but even though others are pleased to see her doing good in the community, Hester will be forever remembered and judged upon by her worst moment. Everyone on the face of the earth makes mistakes, whether major or minor, but in the society we live in, similar in this sense to the Puritans, a person will be forever remembered for their greatest mistake rather than their greatest accomplishment. Our society is compiled of human beings who enjoy seeing others fail if it means that they are going to be looked at better than the person next to them. Every person on earth has value because no person is alike; every person contributes something, whether it is amazing or insignificant.

Recently in the news, statements made by our president, Donald Trump, have created speculation about whether the morality of this individual is strong enough to lead a country. Donald Trump made a remark in response to the question that was asked about how his despicable comments relate to the real world and how he treats women. The fact is, many men and boys fall under the shadow that shines down upon those who hold themselves in a similar state of mind to Donald Trump. These men value women not as  people, but just as material objects. This portrays an immoral man who is unable to see the value in every person around him. The short sightedness in our society relates to themes in the play, “The Crucible”. The leaders in the town overlook any evidence that explains why and how the girls accusing innocent people of witchcraft has any relevance. They are so worried that if they admit that they were wrong all along they will be killed or lose their power as leaders in their society. The fact that they keep believing the lies wholeheartedly, shows that a weak man’s morals are not created to admit when he is wrong, but to bring others down in an attempt to save his ‘dignity’. A weak man lets others die in the face of corruption rather than ending it all and offering up his own; a weak man allows his mind to make false speculations a reality to harm others, but ensure safety of his own. This describes many powerful figures in modern society, as well as the leaders in the early years of our country who were too immature to realize how to rule for the benefits of the community as a whole rather than for the enrichment of their own lives (Huffington Post, 2016).

But there is a hope in our society; there are men that value themselves and the lives of others as something of high importance rather than as a joke. An article written by an NCAA Division Men’s Soccer program explains the comment “Locker Room Talk” is only a way to cover up the immoral behavior by some of today’s popular figures that mistreat their position of power by setting immoral guidelines for success and respect for future generations to come. The fact that words and speculations are the only things standing in the way of the outlook of a man and his true morals shows that our society is more worried about how a man looks rather than how he treats his peers or someone in need (Huffington Post, 2016).

The Puritans were and still are looked at as one of the most strict and harsh judging communities ever in the history of the world (History.com, n.d.). The fact that we haven’t changed from the society that unjustly ruled our nation 300 years ago shows that we have failed in our mission to evolve as a society and as a country. It shows that our integrity has not improved, but only taken a new form in ways to abuse and neglect it. This shows that we as humans are not better than our ancestors, and have overlooked the fact that morality is what keeps the world’s society running; the people that go outside the mold of pop culture are the ones that hold our ever so fragile society. They are the Hester Prynne’s of the world, the John Proctors, and hopefully the young scholars that come out Hebron Academy that will someday change the world.

Works Cited:

1. Huffington Post, “On Behalf Of The Amherst Men’s Soccer Team | Huffington Post.” N.p., n.d. Web. 9 Nov. 2016.
2.  “18 Real Things Donald Trump Has Actually Said About Women.” N.p., n.d. Web. 9 Nov. 2016.
3. History.com Staff. “Puritanism.” History.com. A&E Television Networks, 2009. Web. 09 Nov. 2016.
4. Hawthorne, Nathaniel. The Scarlett Letter. New York: Penguin Publishing, 1850
5. Miller, Arthur. The Crucible. New York: Penguin Publishing, 1954

Every little boy eventually turns into a man. Some say that this process change takes years for a boy to fully mature. I, if you want to say ‘changed into a man’, became who I am today by the failures and successes that I achieved throughout my life while taking care of my youngest brother, Tobias. As a kid I would run, and play all day without a care in the world that could bother me. As the years passed, I became more worrisome as a person. Why? Well, I began to think about my future. Things like death, the possibilities of traumatic accident happening to one of my family members that I truly love, and the fact that I had a bid part of the outcome of my youngest brother, and what he would turn into someday.

This all really hit me at once, so hard that I began feeling something that I had never felt before in my life; anxiety. I became anxious about everything that happened in my life, if Tobias fell on his hard on his head and I had something to do with it, or if a family member became ill, my mind would start stirring a million miles an hour as if the world was about to end. I took all these things to heart, and they affected me in a way that most young teens don’t feel. Most kids at that age are more worried about how they dress, if they will get the newest Iphone, or not.

But I didn’t change from boy into a young man when I would become nervous about my future and that of the those I cared about, but I truly changed when I learned how to deal with all these things that make up a moment in the occurrence called everyday life. As a kid you are living in a place where only your problems exist, and they often come out to be ‘I’m hungry’, ‘I’m thirsty’, ‘can my friend come over today’. Then, as you become older you realize that life is a gift that so many of us take for granted.

Let me give you an example. My youngest brother Tobias is 5 years old right now, and about three years ago, Tobias and I were playing on our stairs, hiding amongst the pillows that had been strewn across the carpeted stairway that lead to the top floor of our house. We were having a great time pretending to hide from ‘monsters’ that were trying to get us, but we would hide under the pillows as if it was a safe haven. At one point we were coming out from some of the pillows and I lost my balance trying to maneuver two year old Tobias and the big, brown pillows that were scattered along the steps. I began to fall and noticed that if I fell Tobias was going with me. I don’t have to tell about all the bad things that could have happened to Tobias if I didn’t catch Tobias on the way down the flight of stairs and protect his small and frail toddler body. But, I was lucky enough that as I was falling I grabbed him in mid air and I crunched us both into a ball so that I could be like a pillow for him. Just before we hit the harwood floor, I ducked my head and turned my body so that I would be the only one taking a beating. As I hit the floor it was as if the house shook, the noise created by the collision was so loud that it caused my grandmother to run up the stairs as fast as she could to see if we were alright. I said we were fine, which she believed because Tobias came out unscathed and he acted as if nothing happened. But it might had been the fact that I landed on my head, but I sat at the bottom of the stairs on the cool wood floors thinking of what could have happened to my two year old baby brother who could have been severely hurt in a way that would affect the rest of his life in a negative way. I was lucky and nothing happened to either of us, but this moment had changed my life. It changed the way that I think of people’s existence. I try to make sure that each and everyday I end on a good note with someone that I love because I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I lost a family member or a friend after a fight or any kind of ugly moment that didn’t need to happen. Why? One day your Mom, or Dad, or Brother or Sister could be with you one day having the greatest day of a lifetime, and the next they could be gone forever.