American Literature (A)

Bread and butter, ham and eggs, Maggie and Pete. All three pairs fit together seamlessly and cannot stand alone. However, one pair is different: Maggie and Pete. In Maggie: A girl of the Streets by Stephen Crane, Maggie and Pete’s relationship is a parasitism, Pete gains while Maggie suffers. But Pete does not cause the suffering, Maggie does. Maggie’s lack of reliance on herself and overreliance on Pete causes Maggie to suffer. Maggie adores Pete, but Pete feels indifferent and only likes Maggie for her body. As soon as Pete finds a better women, he moves on, but Maggie cannot as she relies too much on Pete. Maggie is now left alone in the world and is entirely lost. Without having Pete to rely on, Maggie turns to a life of prostitution as her only means to survive, ultimately leading to her death. Despite Maggie’s lack of self-reliance, Maggie is not a tragic hero. A tragic hero is someone who is responsible for their death. Maggie cannot be this as she is not liable for her death. Although her lack of self-reliance leads to her death, Maggie is not responsible for the development of this flaw. The flaw is rather developed as Maggie has no options or support, no home, and is apart of a low social and economic class.

Throughout Maggie’s life, Maggie received no support from anyone around her, nor possessed any options. In the beginning of the novel, one of Maggie’s neighbors states: “‘Eh, Gawd, child, what is it dis time? Is yer father beatin’ yer mudder, or yer mudder beatin’ yer fader?’” (Crane 12). Even at an early age, Maggie’s drunk parents fought with each other daily and put Maggie in a dangerous and unsupportive environment. Maggie had no safe place to go and was trapped. She had no role models and could not develop any skills of self-reliance from her parents like a child should be able to do. Maggie is rather left to survive on her own in an environment that does not provide the confidence she needs to develop her self-reliance. In addition, Maggie received no support from her community, the tenement. When Maggies is faced with a problem, the tenement responds by: “Children ventured into the room and ogled her, [Maggie] as if they formed the front row at a theatre” (Crane 72). To the community, Maggie was seen as a show and performance rather than a real person. The community shows no sympathy for Maggie’s situation and even finds it entertaining and funny when she runs away to the devil. By receiving no help or support, the community drives Maggie away to find her knight, Pete. To Maggie, Pete is her only support. She has to rely on him and trust him as she has no other choice. Now that she is driven away by her community, Maggie is left with only Pete and her lack of self-reliance. Maggie has no control over who her parents are and therefore no control over her ability to develop her self-reliance. The community, that Maggie once again has no choice over, drives Maggie to run away with Pete where her lack of self-reliance can begin to cause her demise. Maggie’s lack of self-reliance is caused by her broken family and community. Maggie has no choice in deciding these groups so she cannot be blamed for developing her fatal flaw.

After a few weeks with Pete, Maggie soon finds herself abandoned. Maggie cannot stay with pete so she turns to the only other people she knows, her family. When Maggie returns home, she is desperate and has realized her mistake of sleeping with Pete. She has relied on him to much and is now abandoned. Maggie is ready to return home and right her mistakes. At this moment, Maggie needs support more than ever, but her family does not provide it. Maggie’s mother and brother believe that: “Maggie’s gone teh deh devil” (Crane 47). Both family members are aware that Maggie has had sex before marriage and she has therefore gone to the devil for her ungodly act. When Maggie returns home, her family has not forgiven her for this act. When Pete is talking to Maggie: “Radiant virtue sat upon his [Pete’s] brow and his repelling hands expressed horor of contamination” (Crane 72). When Maggie returns, Pete feels that he has higher moral than Maggie and can be contaminated by her devilish acts. This act, along with the repeling attitude of Maggie’s mother, makes it impossible for Maggie to attempt to return to her normal life and right her wrongs. Now, knowing her family is not willing to help, Maggie turns to the tenement for support. However, just as before Maggie had left, the tenement was not able to show sympathy and help Maggie. Like her family, the tenement feels like Maggie has also gone to the devil. They are not willing to help as they claim their morals are too high. The only person that briefly helps only helps as she has no morals. With truely no place to go, Maggie turns to the streets like a wandering prostitute. Like in the tenement, Maggie once again pleads for help, but she finds no one as people view her as a prostitute and will not offer their help. Truly left with no one to rely on, Maggie finally becomes what everyone sees her as, a prostitute. Soon after Maggie is dead. Although Maggie has no ability to rely on herself, she is intelligent enough to seek help when she knows shes needs it. A person can not expect to do everything on their own, especially someone as young as Maggie. If the community and her family provided a home as they should have, then Maggie’s flaw would not have lead to her death. The lack of support Maggie received was out of her control and took the responsibility of death out of Maggie’s hands.

Now that Maggie is left alone on the streets, imagine a world where Maggie is self-reliant. It will quickly become clear that the alternate world has the same outcome as Maggie’s real world, early death. If Maggie was self-reliant, it means that she would be able to find a place to stay and work when she is abandoned. But Maggie has nowhere to go. Maggie is apart of a low class neighborhood and has no access to a good job that pays enough for rent and food. Without any support, Maggie has to live on the streets, even with her self-reliance. In addition, she also does not have access to an education or library in order to gain the knowledge to obtain a higher positioned job in order to afford rent or food. When Maggie is wandering the streets, she walks towards a man to seek help: “But as the girl [Maggie] timidly accosted him, he gave a convulsive movement and saved his respectability by a vigorous side-step” (Crane 77). Even before Maggie becomes a prostitute, she is already viewed as one. She is an outcast in life and cannot find any help. Prostitution is the only way Maggie can find a place to stay and make money for food. No matter how self-reliant Maggie is, it does not matter. She is trapped within her social class and turns to the only thing she can turn to for survival, prostitution and death.

To be a tragic hero, one must be responsible for their own death. Maggie is not responsible, but rather her lack of options, no home, and low social and economic class are. Maggie has no control over these areas and therefore no control or responsibility in her death. Maggie tries everything in order to right her wrongs, but cannot as she is kicked out of her house and made a castaway by her unsupportive community. Maggie is not responsible for her death, and if she had a supportive community or was a member of a higher class, her life would not have been cut short.     

I’ve carried a persistent weight on my chest since the age of eleven. This weight sometimes feels like 1000 pounds, it never goes away, it’s painful. This weight is my breasts. I was the first person to develop breasts in the fifth grade. I remember excitedly going with my mom to buy training bras, getting different colors and patterns, I was finally a woman. This sensation of excitement and maturity would quickly dissipate.

I remember going to camp that same summer, all my bras were packed and folded, I was prepared and ready to go. As soon as I got to camp the other girls helped me unpack. Everyone was screaming and laughing and having a good time. That is, until my fellow camper, Ella Sunshine, unpacked the first bra. The look on her face was one I will never erase from my consciousness. I felt like an outsider looking in on the world, I was on the verge of becoming a woman and I had never been more confused. And even so, I felt completely alone. I remember that face. Disgust. I was the only one in my bunk to even own a bra that summer. The only one.

I grew up and my breasts did as well. As I entered middle school, rumors began to circulate about the reality of my bra size. They were fake, I was wearing a push up bra. I was a slut. All this unwanted attention only added to this weight on my chest. I would look around in class, constantly comparing myself to the prepubescent middle schoolers around me. I was overwhelmed with confusion. My whole life I had viewed breasts as a sign of beauty, a sign of sexiness, why was I facing so much ridicule from others? And why was I ridiculing myself so much?

I grew up, my breasts grew more, and the boys in my class grew with the rest of us. Everyday I experienced stares, like these sacks of flesh on my chest were only there to be viewed by everyone, not as a sign of womanhood. I carried these breasts, they’re mine, but at the same time, I felt like they were a separate entity from my being. I was Lili, “the girl with the really big tits”. I wasn’t intelligent, or funny, or kind in the eyes of the boys surrounding me. I was the girl with the really big tits.

Everyday picking an outfit is a nuisance. I worry about how others might perceive me for wearing a tight shirt. Every summer, I can never find a bikini that fits me properly or will give me enough support. Every time I need new bras, I have to get them specially fitted, and pay twice the cost of what the average girl would pay. Every time I walk down the street or take the subway in anything even slightly form fitting, I can expect at least one cat call. Every time I post a photo of myself on social media where my cleavage is showing, I can always expect more likes. Everytime I run, I’m in pain. Everytime I see a strapless top in a store, I think “I wish.” Everytime I look in the mirror, I ponder surgery that will reduce the size of my breasts.

Society portrays big breasts as a blessing, a characteristic that you’d be foolish to not want as your own. To me, the breasts I carry are a daily source of annoyance. I’ve always been the type of person who loves to be the center of attention and stand out in a crowd. I love my body and the majority of the time, I walk with a sense of confidence in who I am and what I look like, but sometimes I tend to do so with my arms crossed in front of me.

My breasts are big, so big that when I tell people my bra size I can expect a “I didn’t even know that size existed.” But my personality is even bigger. There is no ideal breast size, There is no ideal pants size, there is no such thing as an “ideal” when it comes to the female anatomy.

Over the years I’ve learned that I can dress how I please, I can cover up when I please, and I can most definitely shut down a comment of ignorance from a hormonal teenage boy. I can be the best version of myself despite the constant weight of the breasts I carry. Whoever I want to be, I can be. Wherever I want to go in life, I can go.

I just may need an extra support bra.

In over three hundred years, nothing has changed. From the time of the Puritans in the seventeenth century, to modern Americans today, people’s morals have remained the same, poor. Although people can seem nice to others, it does not mean they are moral. Morality is concerned with strict principles of right and wrong in every aspect of life, whereas being nice can be temporary and faked. In addition, if someone is moral, they do not have to be nice, like how a father can be moral by being stern and teaching the right principles through his lack of niceness. It is easy to see how our morals have not changed by comparing current society with The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne. In the novel, Hester Prynne is sentenced to wear a letter A on her chest to symbolizer her sin of adultery to the entire town. The morality of Puritan time can also be found in The Crucible by Arthur Miller, a play that revolves around the paranoia and false accusations during the Salem Witch Trials. Using these literary works as comparisons, it is easy to see that Puritans had poor morals, and they have survived to this day. In both Puritan times and modern times, people focus on self-gain, have no respect for privacy, and hold a fear for people who are see as different.  

From Puritan times to the present, people have always been more concerned and focused on their own personal gain than the growth of others. This can be seen during Puritan times in The Crucible when Giles is explaining the plan that Putnam has constructed: “My proof is there! Pointing to the paper. If Jacobs hangs for a witch he forfeit up his property-that’s law! And there is none but Putnam with the coin to buy so great a piece. This man is killing his neighbors for their land!” (Miller 89). This demonstrates the lack of moral that the Puritans have. Putnam was so focused on personal gain that he would go as far as to kill a man for it. Putnam has no sense of right or wrong and therefore a bad moral; he puts his life over the life of others. This idea of personal gain was one of the underlying causes of the entire Witch Trials and indicative of the lack of morals the Puritans created. Although we hope for this negative moral to vanish, it has not. The most recent and major example of this can been seen in the Kavanaugh cases. During the cases, Kavanagh was questioned for allegations of sexual assault. During the questioning, Senator Lindsey Graham yelled at the democrats, “If you really wanted to know the truth, you sure as hell wouldn’t have done what you did to this guy. Boy, you guys want power. God, I hope you never get it. I hope the American people can see through this sham. That you knew about it and you held it”(Ferris). Senator Graham is declaring that the questioning was a disgrace and that the entire process was a scheme for the democrats to gain power and have a democrat elected to the court, not a republican like Kavanaugh. Graham is arguing that the democrats have purposely ruined Kavanagh’s life and name in order to have self-gain. This was exactly the mentality that Putnam had during the Salem Witch Trials. With such a similar comparison, it is easy to see that people have kept to the ideals of the Puritans and have not gained any moral decency.

The similarity of the lack of morals between the two time periods can be further demonstrated through people’s disregard for privacy. This can be seen in The Scarlet Letter when Hester is given her letter A. The people of the town have pried into her life and have made personal mistake into a town wide punishment. Although Hester has made a mistake, she does not need to be branded to the town as a bad person. When discussing how Hester should be punished, the women of the town state: “This women has brought shame upon us all, and ought to die” (Hawthorne 46). The women in the town want to kill Hester as they feel that her personal actions has wronged the entire town. This is not the case. Hester did not bring them shame, they brought their own shame. If they did not pry into the personal life of Hester, then there would be no shame for Hester to present to the town’s women. Although not everything can be kept private, the people of the town have made Hester’s affair public for the soul reason to destroy Hester’s name. The same type of occurance can also be seen in today’s society. Back in 2011 and 2012, MLB pitcher Josh Hader made several tweets, “including multiple attacks on gay people and use of the n-word” (MLB’s Josh Hader Apologizes For N-Word, Anti-Gay Tweets). Although this behavior is unacceptable, and shows bad moral within itself,  Hader apologized for it and explained, “I was 17 years old and, as a child, I was immature and I obviously said some things that were inexcusable” (MLB’s Josh Hader Apologizes For N-Word, Anti-Gay Tweets). Like Hester, Hader made a mistake, but he was aware of his actions, apologized, and was ready for the consequences. Hader had learned from his mistakes, but that is not why the tweets were uncovered.“It all came to light Tuesday night while 24-year-old Hader was pitching in the All-Star game — and, right after the game ended, reporters swarmed him to get some answers” (MLB’s Josh Hader Apologizes For N-Word, Anti-Gay Tweets). The reports purposely waited to reveal Hader’s mistake at the perfect time for everyone to see them. Like Hester, people revealed Hader’s tweets for the soul purpose of destroying his reputation and his name. Although Hader should be recognized as making those tweets, it was in the vicious nature that the news was revealed that shows the true lack of moral and disrespect for privacy in the modern world that directly related to how Hester was treated for her mistake as well.

Although people claim that everyone is an equal and respected member of the community, that is not true. People always link to people they are similar to and abandon and fear those that are different. This can be seen in The Crucible when Proctor is trying to make an argument to the court. Hale states, “In the book of record that Mr. Parris keeps, I note that you [Proctor] are rarely in the church on Sabbath Day” (Miller 61). Hale uses this simple fact to undermine Proctor’s entire logical argument simply because Proctor does not come to church like everyone else. Proctor is feared and disregarded as he is not the same as everyone else. In response, Proctor states, “… and when I could not [come to church] I prayed in this house” (Miller 62). By stating this, Proctor claims that he is still close to God and that he should not be viewed as lesser. However, even the simple fact that Proctor could not make the journey to church caused him to be viewed as an outlaw in the eyes of the town. Unfortunately, the same effects of discrimination have survived to this day. One of these major discriminations and fears revolves around gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender groups: “53 percent [of LGBTQ community] still feel that discrimination exists” (Hartogs). Americans have no reason to fear or discriminate against anyone, but do it regardless due to a made up sense of fear and sense of power over people who are different from the majority. To decrease Americans’ morality even more, “nearly four in 10 LGBTQ American adults, or 39 percent, have been rejected by family or friends because of their sexual orientation” (Hartogs). It is easy to reject someone that you do not know personally, but it should be impossible for someone to reject someone that they know. This rejection demonstrates the lack of moral the Americans’ have for the respect of people who are different. Just like the Puritans had done to Proctor, LGBTQ members are also being feared and marked as outlaws due to the lack of moral that has persisted from Puritan times.

The lack of moral found within the population today can directly be linked to Puritan times. This is demonstrated in the comparison between Putnam’s accusations and the accusations against Kavanaugh that show how both groups of people focus on self-gain and have bad moral because of it. It can also be seen when comparing the appointment of Hester’s Scarlet Letter and the tweets of Josh Hader. Both prove that Puritans and modern Americans have no moral as they have no respect for privacy. The last indicator of bad moral is the discrimination of people that are seen as different, like Proctor and the LGBTQ community. Through these aspects, modern society has shown no improvement in moral from Puritan times and have remained the same. It is something to wonder, if three hundred years from now, society will look back at our current time and compare themselves to us, like we did to the Puritans.             

Works Cited

Ferris, Sarah, et al. “Graham Erupts in Anger at Kavanaugh Hearing.” POLITICO, POLITICO

LLC, 27 Sept. 2018, www.politico.com/story/2018/09/27/lindsey-graham-kavanaugh-hearing-849479.

Hartogs, Jessica. “Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Survey Finds Nearly 4 in 10 Rejected by

Family or Friend.” CBS News, CBS Interactive, 13 June 2013, www.cbsnews.com/news/gay-lesbian-bisexual-transgender-survey-finds-nearly-4-in-10-rejected-by-family-or-friend/.

Hawthorne, Nathaniel. The Scarlet Letter. Random House, Inc. , 1993.

Miller, Arthur. The Crucible: a Play in Four Acts. The Viking Press, 1952.

Staff, TMZ. “MLB’s Josh Hader Apologizes For N-Word, Anti-Gay Tweets, ‘I Was Immature’.”

TMZ, TMZ.com, 18 July 2018, www.tmz.com/2018/07/18/mlbs-josh-hader-apologizes-for-offensive-tweets/.

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them” – Dalai Lama. Since the beginning of humanity, more specifically, since people became self-conscious, the question of what is the meaning of life has been asked numerous times. Nowadays, despite the technological advances and scientific works that continue to amaze humanity, this extremely simple, yet vital, question has still not been answered. However, novels such as The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald and Maggie: A Girl of the Streets by Stephen Crane help people find an answer, that is solely based on their experiences and will continue to be modified throughout their whole life. Both stories go to extreme depths in analyzing human morality and the core principles of the American dream. Daisy’s actions, similar to Nellie’s, are driven by factors that are different from the ones that push people towards self-development and hard work, which are the foundations of the American dream. Both of the women have created their own perspective of the world in which they live, as they place themselves in the middle of everything, much like the Sun in the Solar system. Even though Daisy is trying to secure a bright future for her and her daughter, the actions she takes are solely based on her own benefits, which further relates her to Nellie’s life and the decision she takes, and both characters provide a guide of how people should not act in order to find true happiness.

Despite the similarity between their actions, Daisy and Nellie come from and live in diverse societies. Daisy was born in a rich family, and throughout her life, has never been put in a dead-end type of situation without it being a result of her own decisions. She has had a lot of opportunities that allow her to work towards self-development; however, she has not taken advantage of any of them. Daisy was born with everything a person could need, and because of that, she was looking for something that would intrigue her. Possessions that would make normal people happy do not excite her, as she could have anything she wants. Therefore, the only thing that would succeed in bringing excitement in her life would be a relationship with another person, such as Gatsby. However, despite the fact that they loved each other extremely much, they were not able to be together. Gatsby had to go to war, and as Daisy had never experienced the fact that she could not have something before, she found it convenient not to wait for Gatsby to be back, but to find a replacement for him, which is Tom: “‘She never loved you, do you hear?’ he cried. ‘She only married you because I was poor and she was tired of waiting for me. It was a terrible mistake, but in her heart she never loved any one except me!’” (Fitzgerald 130) This proves that, in fact, Daisy never knew what she wanted and perhaps Gatsby knows more than her what her true intentions are, considering the fact that she has always been too afraid to reveal them herself.  She cries right before she is about to marry Tom, and then as soon as she sees Gatsby, she claims to love him. Both of those actions demonstrate how, even though she clearly knew that her feelings are not real in the different scenarios, she decided to continue lying because she does not want to be alone, and eventually, she gets confused in her emotions: “‘I love you know-isn’t that enough? I can’t help what’s past.’ She began to sob helplessly. ‘I did love him once-but I loved you too’” (Fitzgerald 132). Daisy has always been afraid of herself finding the truth, and because of that, she never really thought about it. However, she was forced to express her real emotions by Tom and Gatsby, which reveal exactly how confused she is because she has been living in a lie so far. Daisy does not care that she hurts other people by pretending to be in love with them because she values her happiness more than that of others. Those actions of Daisy not only create a strong feeling of dislike in the readers, but it also raises different questions in their minds, such as whether truly good people are capable of acting in such an immoral way.

Contrary to Daisy, Nellie did not have as many opportunities for self-development, as she grew up in the poor parts of New York City. However, Crane refers to her as “the woman of brilliance and audacity” (Crane 65) which is sarcastic, but it still reveals the fact that she perceives herself as something more than other women. Similarly to Daisy, she lives her life in a lie, pretending to be beautiful and extravagant, but in reality, she is just a prostitute. Even though Daisy’s lie is extremely different from Nellie’s, both of their lives are destroyed by their poor decision to hide the truth for as long as possible. The only thing in which Nellie is interested is money, as it would allow her to maintain her belief that she is something special: “The woman of brilliance and audacity stayed behind, taking up the bills and stuffing them into a deep, irregularly-shaped pocket” (Crane 86). Right after she has lured Pete into spending his money for her, Nellie steals everything he has left and leaves him in an even more miserable situation. Her morality principles have been destroyed by the fact that she only cares for herself, and is able to destroy other people’s lives, in order for herself to feel well. Unlike the main protagonist in the story, which is Maggie, Nellie is supposed to be disliked by readers in order to illustrate how her actions destroy other people. Similarly, Daisy ruins Gatsby by giving him false hope of a treasure, which is her love, that he cannot possess.

Daisy and Nellie both believe that a woman cannot reach a high position in society by herself. The former argues, “She told me it was a girl, and so I turned my head away and wept. ‘All right,’ I said, ‘I’m glad it’s a girl. And I hope she’ll be a fool-that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool’” (Fitzgerald 17), which illustrates how naive she is. Daisy does not realize that she has had so many opportunities in order to become so much more than just ‘a beautiful little fool.’ Also, she has always lacked the dedication needed, and as a result, she begins to feel sorry for herself.  This refutes the principles of the American dream, which clearly states that development is a consequence of hard work, but Daisy is not willing to act according to it. As a consequence, she perceives that women are unable to develop themselves and become something much greater than what she could imagine. By the same token, Nellie has accepted the fact that she is just a prostitute, and does not even try to make her situation better. Instead, she uses wealthy men in order to become even slightly satisfied with her miserable life.

Last but not least, both Daisy and Nellie want to preserve themselves, and this is why they act in such an ignorant way. As stated previously, they do not consider themselves as being able to take care of themselves without the use of manipulation. Daisy is unsure of her emotions, and as a result, she is worried about the future: “‘What’ll we do with ourselves this afternoon?’ cried Daisy, ‘and the day after that, and the next thirty years?’” (Fitzgerald 118). She does not want to continue living her life without being able to be happy; however, she does not realize that her happiness should not come after she destroys another person. She feels perfectly fine, and even claims to “love” Tom after she has just told Gatsby that his dream to be with her is impossible. Nevertheless, those hurtful actions do not stop Gatsby, as he pays with his life in order to keep the secret that Daisy hit Myrtle. Daisy does not care about anyone else, but herself. She does not even show up to Gatsby’s funeral in order to pay any respect to her first “true love”. She shows complete egoism and carelessness towards anybody else, as she knows that she has the money to do whatever she wants, including running away. Nellie is led by the same egoistic goal to improve her situation, even if she is required to ruin other people’s lives. However, she does not have as much money as Daisy has, so she decides that she will try to use as many people as possible, in order to become the “wealthy” lady she seeks to be. All of the characters in The Great Gatsby and Maggie: A Girl of The Streets are extremely complex and exist for a specific reason, that is revealed when people manage to successfully read between the lines. Daisy and Nellie serve as characters who symbolize exactly the opposite of the American dream, as both are not willing to work hard in order to complete their goals, but instead they look for the easy and fast way. Also, they are getting tangled up in their lies and low self-esteem, which results in them not trying to improve their situation by themselves, but by ruining other people’s lives. After all, Daisy and Nellie are extremely important characters not only in the novels, but in real life, as they are the perfect examples of how people should not live their lives, and perhaps are the most developed and accurate guides to a meaningful life. Also, they provide readers with a more simplified version of the question that seeks to find out what is the meaning of life, as they have clearly seen how people should not spend the years they have been given on planet Earth.

Home: the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household. This puts my home at Latitude: 42.58348, Longitude: -71.054034, the place where I live permanently as a member of a family. But this is not my home. A home is more than a definition, it is where someone gains new experiences and grows as a person. A place that people feel safe in and are attached to. For me, my home is not a singular place, it is a type of place, a hockey rink. It does not matter the town, state, or country. A hockey rink is my home and no definition will tell me otherwise.

It is cold and dark. The sun has not yet shown its beautiful face, but that only encourages me more. My parents dress me in stiff, soaked armor and entrust me with deadly blades. I take my first wobbly steps, then some more, and then more again. Finally, I take my last step and suddenly start to glide everywhere with no control. Somehow I manage to keep upright, and fall in love with having no control. It is my first time ice skating, I am only two.

It is cool and light. I dress myself in loose, damp armor. I put one colosul pad on each leg one at a time; they are too enormous to be maneuvered into place in harmony. After I complete the impossible, I stumble my way down a hallway; the pads complex me and are hard to control. I take one final step, and I begin to glide. I am in control. I make my way over to a sea of blue and stand stiff. I look up. Left, right, and center, rubber is flying everywhere. It is like a war zone, but I am the only enemy. One puck slams into my body. Then, a second, third, and fourth. My stance loosens, till finally, more pucks hit me than do not. One pounds me in the stomach, it hurts a little, but I stand ready for more. It is my first time playing goalie, I am only six.

It is warm and bright. I dress myself in flexible, dry armor. I put on a meagre two pads, and a helmet. I feel more protected than ever. I walk confidently down the hall. I take my last step before I begin to glide. All eyes are suddenly trained on me like I am the target for a sniper. I remain confident, I have to. I soon lift my whistle to my mouth and blow. Time stops, everyone is still. On my command, time and people once again move; I possess the power of a king. But with all power, there comes hatred. The snipers take their shots, but they are useless as I wear a bulletproof vest. The bullets begin to fly more and more, like the rubber I was used to when I was six, but the vest only grows stronger. I fight through the snipers and do what I must do, enforce the rules that I was given. A horn vibrates the entire arena, almost taking it down. I give up my reign as king until I am called upon again. It is my first time officiating a hockey game, I am only fourteen.   

Hockey Rink: an enclosed area of ice for skating, especially one artificially prepared. A place where one does not permanently live as a member of a family. But a hockey rink is more than a definition, a hockey rink is my home. In the rink I have had new experiences which have helped me grow as a person and as a hockey player. When I enter a hockey rink, I feel safe from the outside world and feel like I can accomplish anything. A hockey rink is my home. My life revolves around it like the Earth revolves around the sun.   

Throughout the novel, Pearl can be seen as a joy in her mother’s life, but this is a false joy as it is always accompanied by pain and mockery. In the novel The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne, Pearl is born due to the sin of adultery that Hester, Pearl’s mother, committed with Dimmesdale, a minister of the town. Dimmesdale is left to fight his sin in privacy, but Hester must deal with it publicly by wearing the scarlet letter and bearing the child of their union. As if this is not enough for Hester to go through, Pearl makes it harder as she is a fiendish punishment, becoming a destructive force in Hester’s life and never letting Hester forget her transgression. Pearl does this by constantly mocking Hester’s scarlet letter, being an obligation to Hester, and by not letting Hester be happy.

 Whenever Hester seems to forget about her transgression, she is reminded of it by the mockery from Pearl. This can be seen when Hester and Pearl are in the Governor’s Hall. Catching Hester off guard, Pearl puts the pain of Hester’s transgression in Hester’s mind by pointing out her mother in a mirror: “She [Hester] saw that, owing to the peculiar effect of this convex  mirror, the scarlet letter was represented in exaggerated and gigantic proportions, so as to be greatly the most prominent feature of her appearance. In truth, she seemed absolutely hidden behind it” (Hawthorne 95). Pearl finds joy in pointing this fact out to Hester and mocks Hester for it. Pearl is so evil and cruel to her mother in this moment, that Hester wonders if Pearl is an imp instead of her child. Through the actions of Pearl, Hester went from not thinking of her sin, to being tortured by it as the letter is depicted to Hester as her prominent feature. Pearl can also be seen mocking and hurting her mother when she makes and wears her own scarlet letter: “As the last touch of her [Pearl] mermaid’s garb, Pearl took some eel-grass, and imitated, as best she could, on her own bosom, the decoration with which she was so familiar on her mother’s. A letter,-the letter A,- but freshly green, instead of scarlet… as if the one thing for which she had been sent into the world was to make out its hidden import” (Hawthorne 162). Unlike Hester’s scarlet letter, Pearl’s letter has no meaning, but, instead, is only created from the curiosity of Pearl. This causes the scarlet letter to be one of Pearl’s main focuses in life, and thus becomes apart of Hester’s life through the constant bantering of Pearl. Once Pearl is done with making the scarlet letter, she goes to see her mother. “… [Pearl] appeared before Hester Prynne, dancing, laughing, and pointing her finger to the ornament upon her bosom” (Hawthorne 162). This action hurts Hester as it presents the letter as being meaningless and even a joy in life, the complete opposite of its true intentions. In this way of presenting the letter as something it is not, it deepens the real feeling of pain and transgression in Hester’s soul. Also, as seen before, Pearl takes a peaceful moment in Hester’s life and turns it into a moment of transgression that would not have been present if Pearl were not around. By mocking Hester’s scarlet letter, Pearl hurts her mother emotionally and keeps Hester’s sin fresh in her mind and soul at all times.

Although Pearl can clearly be seen acting as a punishment to her mother, many argue that Pearl is actually a joy in Hester’s life. This is mostly seen when Hester is asked if she will go do evil and devilish acts in the woods by Mistress Hibbins. Hester responds with a firm no and explains, “ I must tarry at home, and keep watch over my little Pearl” (Hawthorne 105). For some, this is evidence that Pearl brings joy to her mother’s life. The only reason Pearl did not slip from God’s wishes was because of the joy that Pearl inflicted on her. Without Pearl, Hester would leave the side of God as she has nothing left to bring happiness in her life. This view, however, is wrong. Pearl does not bring joy to Hester’s life, but rather a sense of obligation. Pearl was born from the sin of Hester, making Hester feel obligated to help Pearl break free from this sin. Taking this view into account, Pearl does not keep Hetser from the woods because of the the joy she gives, but keeps Hester from the woods because of Hester’s feeling of obligation to Pearl. This can also be seen when Hester teaches Pearl the Bible and dresses Pearl in elegant clothing throughout the novel. By teaching Pearl the Bible, Hester is educating Pearl on the expectations of God so that Pearl will not repeat the same mistakes as Hester did, allowing Pearl to become holy and free from Hester’s sin. Also, by dressing Pearl elegantly, Hester is trying to represent Pearl as a positive and respected person in the town and separated from the sin of her mother who is wearing more sombre clothing. The feeling of obligation created from Pearl is destructive to Hester as it keeps her focus on Pearl and not on improving her own life. It also brings torture to Hester’s life, as by keeping Pearl close, due to a sense of obligation, Pearl is allowed to mock Hester’s sin and keep Hester from forgetting her transgression.

Pearl continues her fiendish deeds by not letting her mother be happy. Since the appointment of the scarlet letter, Hester has felt no happiness in her life. When Hester finally does find this happiness, Pearl puts an immediate stop to it and reminds Hester of the sin that she had almost escaped. When Hester plans her escape with Dimmesdale, she removes her scarlet letter as it will not be needed in her new life. Pearl soon comes back to find her mother with her hair down, no scarlet letter, and happy; Pearl will not move any closer to her: “She [Hester] had flung it [scarlet letter] into infinite space!-she had drawn an hour’s free breath!-and here again was the scarlet misery, glittering on the old spot!… Hester next gathered up the heavy tresses of her hair, and confined them beneath her cap… Her beauty, the warmth and richness of her womanhood, departed… ” (Hawthorne 194). Hester had just broken free from her world of sin when Pearl became her fiendish self. This made Hester lose the happiness in her life as she was reminded of her transgression by Pearl. Pearl held her mother back and kept her from progressing in her life. Pearl is selfish and only considers her own life and does not consider how her actions will affect her mother. Hester was once again tortured and destroyed as she had see what freedom and happiness would look like, but was not quite able to maintain it due to the presence of Pearl.

The constant pain and mockery presented by Pearl keeps Hester from finding Pearl as a source of joy. Pearl constantly reminds Hester of her transgression and mocks her for it, is an obligation for Hester, and does not let Hester find happiness. Although Pearl is a fiendish punishment with her actions, it is not all in her control. Pearl is young and does not understand the implications that her actions have on her mother. If Pearl was wiser on the matter, then she may have understood the pain of her mother and changed her actions, becoming a joy rather than a punishment. However, Pearl did not gain this knowledge in her childhood and her mother suffered and was tortured by it.         

Slamming through the gears, racing through the corners; every turn calculated and precise. The engine gets warm, the road opens up. More up shifts, more speed, more adrenaline. Every corner instilling more confidence in the rider, and more rotations in the wheels. The wind pierces through the clothes and skin of the rider, like a whip, encouraging the rider of this two-wheeled beast to push his boundaries further and further. The speedometer continues to climb. Tears roll down the rider’s cheeks and his body is locked in place. In the rapidly approaching distance, a sharp curve shows its life, but it is no different from the rest. The bike is lined up for the corner, now faster than ever. Within a second, the bike is through the apex of the curve and ready to accelerate to record-breaking speeds. Taking his eyes from the curve to the straightaway, the rider is greeted by two lights like the red eyes of a demon. Instincts kick in, forcing fear to be neglected. The breaks are crushed by the rider’s hand. The back wheel skids along the hard, deadly asphalt and then departs from it all together. Gravity is broken as the bike balances on one wheel. The tick-tock of time ceases. The life of the rider flashes before himself. Everything that he was, and everything that he could be is presented to him, like a mockery for the stupidity of his recklessness. Then, like a crash of thunder, the world returned to its original state. The back wheel slams onto the ground as the bike maraculariously comes to a stop; rider still on his mount. The rider, gaining life back into his blood, takes a breath of relief as fog forms on the glass at the rear of a four-wheeled machine.     

“Please come back to get me Mom. I can’t survive on my own.”

“Are you alright Kenny? You were so excited to be away from us just a few hours ago.”

“I hate this place. I don’t want to be here and I never wanted to be here. You forced me to do this and you ruined my life.”

“Don’t talk about school that way. Your father and I sacrificed a lot to get you there. Just give it some time. I’ll be right by the phone if you need to call for my guidance.”

The morning was light and calm. A cool breeze was in the air as the sun shown above the winding horizon. Not much sleep was had the night prior. It was filled with hours of anxiousness and excitement. The sun continued to rise, chased down by a long two hour car ride towards freedom.

The time was slowly ticking down, almost sitting still. Then, in the distance, it appeared. Leaves bright with color, buildings vibrant and welcoming. I hurried out of the car, parents in tow, and rushed to registration. It was my first day of eighth grade, and my first hours at boarding school. I arrived at registration and was greeted with smiles that I mirrored with more happiness than how I recieved them.

Registration finally concluded. I walked with pride and joy as I went to see the freedom and independence that the campus presented. From the school building to the hockey rink, everywhere I looked showed hope and opportunity. For the first time in weeks, the hours flew by. My parents prepared to leave and I sent them off with a wave from afar. I was free to make my own decisions.

After a long two hours, my parents finally arrived back at home. As they entered the house, they were greeted by an unpleasant surprise, a phone call from me. I had just barely managed to make it two hours on my own before I had had enough. The freedom I once anticipated was now an obstacle. The call lasted for longer than I had been on campus. I did not want to hang up. I knew that if I did, then I’d have to return to freedom.

Despite being alone, I made it through the night and awoke to the unknown. I did not wake up to my mother’s call or the smell of my dad’s coffee like I knew so dearly. Instead, I woke to a harsh voice and unfamiliar scents. I struggled through the first day of classes. I could only think about the end of the day when I could call home. The time slowly came. I sprinted through the school and back to dorm. As I ran, I frantically plugged the phone number into my phone as to not waste a second. My parents picked up and I felt instantly at ease. The phone call made me feel at home, lasting less time than previous.

A few days passed and my pattern continued, struggling through classes and calling my parents, my one escape from freedom and my own decisions. As more days passed, I soon spent less time on the phone and more time focusing on school. The joys from the first day were slowly seeping back into my life. I had become confident and able to be on my own.

The weeks continued to progress and so did my independence. My daily calls soon became weekly calls. The weekly calls became monthly calls. The monthly calls soon turned to no calls.

I  finished out the year of school and missed my independence over the summer that I had worked so hard to achieve. My parents had taken it away from me almost as soon as I had seemed to acquire it. I felt restricted. I spent my summer awaiting the start of the school year, where I could get away from my parents and into freedom.

The school year came around and I headed back up to school. Once again I was eager, but I was confident this time. I moved into school and my parents were soon ready to depart. I gave them both a big hug. A hug that guided me through life. I realized that I had wasted my summer. Life was not only about freedom, it was about balancing freedom and restrictions. I had grown too free at school and I had let restrictions float away. Too much freedom would get me in trouble. A road I was close to heading down. The hug ended and I frantically promised that I would call twice a week, a perfect balance of freedom and restrictions. A balance that brought me into adulthood.

Most often a sin is only committed once, but that is not always the case. The worst sins are the ones that occur multiple times. One sin that occurs multiple times is procrastination. Procrastination is a sin that has always occurred for me. Although I am aware of it, it is hard to control. I often convince myself that I have plenty of time, so much so that I end up running out of time before I know it. Although procrastination is a sin, I wear my letter P proudly as it is my choice to be sinful and a choice that I must own.

Although procrastination is not a typical sin, it still has its punishments. One painful punishment is stress. By waiting for the last moment, it leaves little time for mistakes and setbacks. This dramatically increases stress levels as everything must be done perfectly and in a short amount of time. The second major punishment of procrastination is lack of sleep. This is due to the belief that the work will not take very long. This theory is often wrong and results in a lack of sleep in order to cram in the last hours of work that went unaccounted for. These punishments may not seem severe at first, but they quickly become catastrophic when procrastination occurs everyday

When procrastination becomes catastrophic, it is easy to feel guilty. Procrastination is caused only by the actions of the procrastinator and is not affected by any other factors. This puts the blame directly on the procrastinator and no one else. Although I feel guilty for procrastinating, I am not ashamed about it. Procrastinating is apart of who I am and I must own it. I can not hide it or ignore it. I make the decision to procrastinate, but also hold the power to stop for the betterment of my life and the people around me.

Throughout my life I have always been aware of the negatives that procrastination present. However, I am not able to stop sinning. Every day I tell myself I will not sin, but I manage to sin anyways. It has become apart of my routine and cannot be stopped. It has engulfed my life and has permanently become apart of me. Despite this never ending circle of repetition, I will continue to work on resolving my sin slowly in hopes of correcting it. Until then, I wear my letter proudly.   

By choosing to sin proudly, the person I am today has been altered. The image of change created by my sin might originally look bad, but that is not entirely true. The punishments that are involved with procrastination have helped shape me for the better. By always being stressed I have learned to deal with it and almost ignore it entirely. This has made me a calmer person. Also, by sometimes losing sleep, I have learned to operate on low amounts of energy and sleep time. Losing sleep is very bad for health, but since I will continue to procrastinate, I might as well squeeze all the benefits out of it that I can. Although on the surface I believe that procrastination has helped me in life, deep down I know it is only a justification for my sin.      

Procrastination has shaped the person I am today and has become my life long sin. Although it might come with some setbacks, those setbacks have defined who I am today and sometimes even help me. Although I feel guilty about my sin, I wear my letter P proudly as it is my own creation.

My name is Liliana Ball and I am from Brooklyn, New York. I Really enjoy traveling and have spent many months in places like Hawaii, Arizona and Ecuador and The Galapagos Islands. I consider myself to be an avid writer and I like the majority of the books we’ve read this year.