Puzzle Pieces

By Isa Fischer 26′

Imagine a kenspeckle individual, a child who appears free-spirited, unbothered by society, unafraid to stand out, living in a different key than the rest. Imagine how adults complimented and encouraged all of the strangeness and told the child it was a good thing. Imagine how the child’s parents told them that it was a good thing to be different, to stand out. Now imagine how lonely that child must be and how confused they are by their total lack of companions despite doing what they were told to do. A child going through life always feeling like the real them was buried beneath a circus-like facade. 

I was that child once upon a time. 

I am still that child looking back at myself.

I’ve always been a little  bit strange, but rather than quell that strangeness, the role models in my life encouraged it. I was told it was good to be odd; however, this seemed to cause kids my age to avoid me like the plague. Adults rewarded me with praise; the more I stood out, the more nauseating my fashion choices, the brighter my false smile. Eventually, I strayed so far away from the truth that I had lost sight of who I actually was. I was stuck. Stuck in a lie. All of our personalities  create beautiful puzzles, but I felt like half of my pieces were missing and the rest belonged to somebody else’s puzzle. Should I keep living this life of lies, glittering as bright as the sequence on my clothes? Or should I dive deep into the unknown depths of self-discovery and hope that I don’t hate what I find? I’d been living a ruse for so long that I wasn’t sure how to remove the mask and what I would find beneath it. 

Slowly I came to the realization that I must begin chipping away at my shield of lies before it suffocated me. It is very difficult to enact a change when those you trust have always told you to “never change,” and to just stay free from society. Little by little, I began to sort out which parts of my identity were real and which were not. Which parts were inflated to the point of making them unrecognizable and which were hidden behind layers and layers of falsities.

There were small things such as my favorite colors, not including pink, my plain brown hair kept down to my waist which I always hated, or the fact that I strongly disliked unicorns despite often being found wearing a unicorn horn headband. Then, there were also larger things beyond physical appearances. How I interacted with people was not genuine; I would not let myself feel my emotions, and I never displayed any facet of myself that my parents wouldn’t like. I was not being my authentic self so I could not make real connections with my peers, or with anyone for that matter. 

As I began to strip away my falsities, I began to find my sense of self. Piece by piece, I uncovered bits of myself, hoping that I could fit all of the pieces together to reveal who I actually was. Sometimes, I found a piece that didn’t seem to fit in with my puzzle, but I realized that if I found enough pieces, it would eventually have somewhere to fit in, so I kept searching. As my own puzzle grew, so did my confidence, so did my connections with people, and so did my comfort in my own skin. I became more felicitous, and I was finally able to begin to live my life in a way that made me happy. 

Looking back at who I used to be, I have made bounds of progress toward piecing together who I am, but there will always be more to uncover because I know now that there is no such thing as a permanent state of self. The puzzle I am piecing together of myself will change as I do; I will find new pieces, and lose a few as well, but no matter what pieces I have, I do not have to hide the picture it creates. I will probably be a slightly different person in a few weeks than I am now, and I do not owe it to anyone to pretend to stay the same. The journey of self-discovery is never done because humans change as we grow, as we learn, and as we gain new experiences. 

Duplicity 

By Laura Zarko ’26

Chameleons are animals who change their color depending on different factors such  as light, temperature or emotions associated with anything that happens around them. They  are frightened easily and very often are a target of predators. Chameleons are very small and  harmless animals. However, these skills very often save their lives. It is weird to compare  yourself to a chameleon but if you think about it, we function pretty much the same way. It is  important to always stay yourself and don’t let other people affect the kind of person you  want to be. But sometimes I find myself in situations where it’s hard to be myself. Many  things go through my head. Should I fit in or should I be different? Should I be better or just  let them take the lead? Sometimes I don’t even think. I just pretend to be someone else without  even noticing it. How can I make them like me? That is the main question I used to ask  myself. The question that was causing my duplicity and sometimes still is.  

The last time I was asking myself this question, I was on a plane. It was August 27th  and I was flying to Boston. It was the start of my year at Hebron Academy. I was alone on a  plane flying to another continent where I didn’t know a soul. It was like that question was  stuck in my head and it wouldn’t leave until there was something or someone to just make it  disappear. Just like that word on the top of your tongue that you just can’t remember, that one  embarrassing moment that you can’t get outside of your head. As we were landing the  question started to get even more annoying. At this point it was getting crazy, jumping around  my head not letting me think. When I first started talking to everyone at the airport I was 

smiling, shaking hands and introducing myself. But as I started to get to know everyone, the  question was taking over. I agreed to everything anyone said and never said what I thought. “I  love rock music,” somebody said. “Me too!” I agreed even though I have never listened to a  single rock song and rock was my absolute worst genre. I started to question whether I was  doing the right thing by listening to the question because nobody really seemed to care that I loved rock music. They all just smiled. I thought maybe they would do the same if I told them  I actually like classical music and pop. Maybe they would even ask questions and be  interested in it. But what if they just thought I was weird for liking it. I didn’t want to take the  risk of them not liking me, so I just stuck with being a rock music lover. The rest of the night  at the airport I continued listening to the question and, in addition to being the rock music  lover, I also became a Formula 1 fan, a poetry lover and my favorite color became brown.  That one really hurt. 

Later that night we were in the bus driving to the school. It was late at night and the  drive was long. A lot of people were sleeping, but I was wide awake thinking about the  question. I was sitting in the front part of the bus by myself looking outside at the night sky.  My attention was caught by one of my favorite constellations, Cassiopeia. As I was looking at  it I remembered how good it felt to think about something I truly love, which for me is  astronomy. I got lost in my thoughts the second I looked up at the night sky and the thought  of all of those things I said I liked and people I pretended to be that day made the question  disappear just a little from my head. I realized I made some really good friends that day but if  that friendship is based on a lie, then it doesn’t really mean much. However, even that  realization didn’t make the question completely disappear from my head. 

The question was there until one thought that came to my head. I thought of a  chameleon. A chameleon changes its colors depending on its surroundings. That’s what I did  that day. I changed my colors. I changed who I am so people wouldn’t think badly of me just 

like a chameleon changes colors so it wouldn’t be eaten. The thought of that made me feel  bad, like all the friends I made that day weren’t really my friends. But then I realized that  even when a chameleon changes its color and you can’t see it, it is still there and it is still a  chameleon. So even though I sometimes change who I am, even though I act differently in  front of different people, I am still a human. A human that makes mistakes. And when I feel  safe enough around those people, I will change my color back to the original one. I don’t  think the question will ever completely disappear and that is okay. Humans are social creatures  and being a part of a group is in human nature, so sometimes we simply do what seems the  best in that moment even though we might regret it later. It is just important to remember that  sometimes it’s okay to be a chameleon but it is never okay to lose your real color.

To Believe in Fairies

By Louisa Strong ’26

We were crouched in the grass, kept neatly trimmed by her mother, rotting twigs and strange flowers littering our feet. Lilies, ferns, and unruly shrubs threatened the border of this upkept backyard, in constant rebellion to my aunt’s pruning. Our laughter, reaching to the blue above, tangled with that of the gulls on their way to the nearby sea. With the sun on our backs and the afternoon ahead of us, Audrey and I prepared to build. It’s been a while, but I still know the ritual well. The perfect fairy house is constructed by two essentials: the right materials and the right mindset, the right mindset being believing in the existence of fairies. I never struggled with the first part, but since I had stopped believing in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny at five, at eight, fairies didn’t seem very realistic to me either. But if Audrey believed in them, that was enough to at least make me play along.

My cousin and I would run too fast and too far down the road in search of the ideal fairy house materials. So determined in our adventure, we hardly noticed the pavement callusing our feet or the inevitable thorns tearing at our legs while we searched for the most fantastical ornaments nature could provide. Audrey and I spent many days like this and by the end of these summers, I wore every scratch and bruise as a trophy of the summer now gone. But right now it was still summer and there was still a fairy house waiting to be made. 

As we began to construct, the disproportions of the house started worrying me. If Audrey saw how absurd it was that the chairs were twice as big as their acorn table, would she then see the absurdity of the whole bit? I was sure that if Audrey realized that fairies couldn’t exist, our quiet sanctuary of flowers and forest would be gone. After a minute, I asked her if she was sure that all of the makeshift furniture would work for the fairies, and she assured me that because they were magical, all of the furniture would be just fine. Audrey and I continued on until we could barely see our creation by the dimming skylight. She told me that the fairies were going to love their new home and that we’d better get inside so they could move in in peace. 

Her imagination far outstretched my own; while I wished that there was magic in the world, Audrey already believed it was there. Building fairy houses on those hot summer days, salty breeze knotting our hair and strawberry lemonade on our tongues, I never once saw a fairy but I shared in Audrey’s belief of magic. Because there, in those moments, I could feel it. I held on tight to Audrey’s imagination, hoping that if I pretended enough, we would stay children forever. 

Summers passed quickly and soon Audrey and I were eleven and twelve. The summer’s dull fog clung to our clothes and gathered on our skin. Rain clouds lingered in the corners of the sky. Having exhausted water balloons and spilling secrets, we sat on her front steps throwing pebbles on to her driveway. With each throw, the contrast from this summer to the ones still sharp in my memory seemed to grow. The past summers spent unafraid and imperfect had been weighing on me, taunting me with the fact that I could not go back. It was then that Audrey suggested we build a fairy house. All of my worrying had been for nothing; summer was still here and Audrey still saw the magic in it. 

We set out in our familiar routine, looking for the best flowers and most creative decor for the fairies. It was just like it had always been or at least I tried to make myself think that. In truth, it didn’t feel like magic. It felt like forcing a sequel to something that could have wrapped up beautifully a long time ago. This feeling that fairy houses seemed so ingenuine now forced me into a confession. 

“You know I never believed in fairies, right?” I asked her. “I just pretended for your sake”. For a moment I didn’t know what she was thinking. Our sweet summer seemed to rot in front of my eyes. Then she laughed.

“That’s funny,” she said, “because I was always pretending for your sake”. With that, we left our flowers and twigs scattered on the tar and returned home.

And, somehow, it was still summer.

“Keeping Quiet”

By Vaughn Ross ’27

Sit down and take a moment of your time to listen to something other than the bustle of the town. 

One could call this a rhyme, others may call these words of wisdom, others may just call this a waste of time. 

But before you run away I have more to say that may stay with you until the end of today. 

Ones that understand the way of life, may also understand the constant hurrying of life, which almost appears to be catching a dropping knife, but how come when others come together they still seem to be under the weather

Can the man with the plan please stand to tell me the story of this boy who ran just to escape the drama of his land. Language changes like a strain of a virus to adapt to the constant change of life. I keep running out of time, like people with power who seek to devour. 

People spew the hate to which brings up the pace I don’t know if you could last, but of course you can laugh when left to decide between do or die I think that’s just a lie, but keep sputtering and muttering we’ll see what it’ll be, let’s see to the tea like bloody backs in the back, is it just me or have we forgotten just that. But keep spreading the scuttlebug like disease under your rug. 

Though now there are cheats that try to play you at your game, all they care about is the money found at the end. Here comes the pay that’s what they all say, will they ever change at all, I’m not one to say. 

One last thing before you leave to join the bustle of the town once again, why oh why, do people continue to lie about things that seem to fly like leaves with the wind. Am I the one who is speaking on a whim or was this mind always here along with the constant plea to subside to the side to observe from a distance as the sphere begins to erupt into flames, but this does seem lame. Will you stop and burn out or will you continue to go, until you grow old with an afterglow that indeed will blow this sky away.

Now you can stand up and hurry outta town with a frown that seems 

to bring everyone down, just turn it around to hear this sound. Farewell to this town. 

When the Sun Shone Grey

By Quinn Doyle ’26

Two eyes opened like flowers to behold the newborn daylight. Starved, they were, of their food already. In a vigorous leap without legs, the body jumped, and the bright sun illuminated the trees and held the calm birdsong in its warm breast. The body stretched in the kind rays, but the mouth was frozen stiff, no longer able to chant its daily hymn to the natural beauty beyond the window. The stickers on the chiffarobe prompted a twitch of a grin in the mouth, with their weirdness and history captivating the head. As the legs shifted the body out of bed, the little baby blue blanket, the one that the child had nestled into since they were a babe, returned the favor that day, with a tight wrap around the shoulders almost in consolation. 

Sliding onto the little smooth pale feet came slippers lined in soft plush that banished the pain of stubbed toes in times of need. The walls gave wide berth to the child as they practiced their rituals, and seemed to make faces of pity in the creases of the rough plaster. Friendly beings of the wood, stalled in their movement, laid pasted to the walls, playmates for the head in its peaceful deep dreaming. On a regular day, the great many smiles held welcome and the attached limbs almost danced in the light filtering through the tree branches outside, but on that morn, there was an anxiety in the stripes of their faces that brushed a blackness over the stickered murals. 

The buff colored carpet gave way to crisply cool finished wood that came in the marvelous orange-brown which dominated the house’s floors, and the child beheld the hypnotic patterns of the grains for a while, melting into the hot hue of the boards. The small unused switch next to those for the lights flickered on and off with its blood red glare as it always did, but this time more menacingly. 

The swirls and shapes in the bright foam mats on the floor across the hall called attention to the toys beyond, trucks and trains and Legos and Lincoln logs. As the child took a step forward, the hall began to grow into a passage of dark liminality. The welcoming shapes of the playsets sat on a table that came into view, the child’s prized police station, garbage hauler, and gold mine, all beckoning with their promises of imaginative enjoyment. But the creek of the soft slap of flesh on planks disturbed the scene. 

“Quin. Come here.” A lecture proceeded that confirmed their sense of dread which had built over the months. The death of faithful Bode, chieftain among beasts in the house. Gentle, smooth haired sun-colored Bode. The news came like a phantasmal force to the heart, and the spectral militant then grappled the brain. It had been just a year prior that the child had experienced their first loss, Stanley the goldfish. That day at school, they had to leave class to cry. That night the child pondered and finally allowed themself to understand that while their inanimate companions would never pass, save for by future mistreatment, the days of a living being are ever numbered. 

Keeping Quiet

By Alex Hounsell

Now lets do a countdown,

And let us be still.

For the earth is always moving, and yet is never set and fixed.

And the grass has no goals, except to only keep growing,

And the wind has no destination, even though it is always running.

Let’s do what the earth does, if just for a second.

If the concrete jungles momentarily stopped their growing,

If the fires that are the world stop glowing,

 Maybe only then can we truly see,

see what lives have come to be.

And yes, the clocks won’t stop moving,

 and the sun won’t stop revolving, 

but perhaps instead eye the bearing of time,

 us not always evolving.

For I don’t mean death, 

There is no call for a hearse,

No lost souls,

No Blackened hearts,

No funeral flowers,

No skulls.

Perhaps laced in the unusual

 is only when united souls can see,

The fabric of time shifting, 

And the tide is whisked back to the depths of the sea.

And maybe life isn’t found in the textbooks,

And maybe life isn’t found on a life-threatening journey,

But the moments of peace,

But the moments of zen glee,

But instead as united as could be,

Where the only thing you can hear is the earth and your heart,

Where the only thing you can feel is the understanding of others,

Where the only thing you can remember is the carelessness once in your head, and the people currently with you, 

but not always journeys ahead.

Now the countdown is done, 

and I’ll be as still as still can go.

Keeping Quiet

By Brody Levering ’27

Now we will count to six eleven times

And hold a much needed breath

For once we are on the ice;

Stop your thinking and just breathe.

Something goes in the net,

Don’t threaten with something that wont happen.

It would be a reflecting moment

Without anger, without disbelief in yourself;

We would be calm and ready to move on.

In a very quick manner.

Parents in the stands

Won’t yell at the refs on the ice;

And the skaters on the ice

Wont start throwing hands with their opponents

Those who prepare fights on the ice

Fight with bare knuckles, fights ending with blood,

With only one winner

Would keep the gloves on

And skate about like nothing was going to happen.

What happens on the ice should not be similar 

To young hockey with no contact or anything at all.

But a good clean game

Where we win with great success as a team

If goalies were not so focused on being perfect in the net

And instead relaxing and trying to be the best 

while improving on what you can.

Then relaxation would cause huge growths in a goalies play

Which would impact him and the others around him

Causing everyone else to change and be more calm.

A calm mind may teach more than a 

Clouded or heated mind.

My Metamorphis

By Jacinto Quintela ’26

Image

When Jacinto Quintela woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed in his bed into a monstrous hybrid of man and tree. His limbs twisted and contorted, resembling knotted branches reaching out into the small room. Leaves sprouted from his skin, rustling softly with each movement as if whispering secrets of his transformation.

Jacinto’s metamorphosis sent shockwaves through the boarding school in Maine where he resided. His roommate, Cliff, stumbled backward in horror at the sight of Jacinto’s diabolical form, his eyes wide with horror. The other students gawked and whispered as rumors spread like wildfire throughout the halls, painting Jacinto as some sort of botanical aberration.

His friends, Mateo, Romeo, Sophia, and Vicky stood by his side, their expressions a mix of concern and fascination. They tentatively approached Jacinto, their voices trembling as they asked him what had happened. But Jacinto could offer no explanation, for he was just as confused by his transformation as they were.

He went to the health center to see if they could help him in any way, but when he saw the horror in Mrs. Judd’s eyes, he knew they couldn’t do anything. After thinking about it for a while Jacinto decided to go to class, despite the confusion and fear he had underneath his thick and bumpy skin. 

After 5 hours of classes, the first day of school as a monster had finally ended. He ran to his dorm, thinking what to do and what would calm him, and he saw his lacrosse stick. Despite his monstrous appearance, Jacinto’s love for lacrosse remained undiminished. He attempted to wield his newfound attachments like new arms, clumsily dribbling a lacrosse ball as he stumbled across the field. His teammates watched in awe as he moved with an otherworldly grace, his arboreal form bending and twisting in ways that defied logic.

But as the days passed, Jacinto’s transformation took its toll on those around him. His world literature teacher, whom he adored, struggled to come to terms with the sight of her once-promising student now trapped in a body that resembled something out of a nightmare. She wrestled with conflicting emotions, torn between pity and revulsion, unsure of how to help Jacinto in his time of need.

Despite his best efforts to continue attending classes, Jacinto found himself increasingly isolated from his peers. The other students whispered and pointed whenever he passed by, their eyes filled with a mixture of fear and curiosity. Even his closest friends struggled to look past his monstrous exterior, their once-strong bond strained by the weight of his transformation.

But amidst the chaos and confusion, there were moments of beauty and wonder. Jacinto found solace in the quiet moments spent among the trees, their branches reaching out to him like long-lost friends. And though he may have been changed in body, his spirit remained unbroken, a testament to the resilience of the human soul in the face of adversity.

In the end, Jacinto’s metamorphosis served as a reminder that even in our darkest moments, there is still light to be found. For though he may have been transformed into something monstrous, he remained, at his core, a boy with dreams and aspirations, longing for acceptance and understanding in a world that often seemed indifferent to his plight.

Scarred For Life

By: Jeremy Lavoie ’26

-Photo Credit: Literary Hub

When Jeremy Lavoie woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed in his bed into a notepad. He slowly tries to recollect his thoughts from the night before; it was a hot summer night, and he was at the movies with his best friends. He came back exhausted, and before he could do anything, he fell asleep on his bed, which he had made earlier that morning. He was trying to figure out what had happened to him, but still no answers. Jeremy still had thoughts but was physically a dull black-and-white notepad. He still had all his senses but couldn’t move, speak, or do anything. Jeremy could now only listen and see, nothing else. He wanted to cry, scream, and run, but he couldn’t, as he was simply a notepad. His phone was still on the bed; his clock was still on his nightstand and it announced 2:05 P.M. He could hear his mom coming to wake him up; she hated when he would sleep in during summertime. The footsteps were nearing the door; he could feel the vibration; she knocked, but there was no answer from Jeremy, as he could not communicate in any shape or form. His mom twisted the door knob and walked in and Julia was left in shock as she did not see Jeremy anywhere, but weirdly his bed was made. Julia was worried as she knew how tired he was last night and expected him to be in bed either on his phone, scrolling endlessly on social media, or sleeping. The weird thing, she thought, was that his phone was still there, and he wasn’t anywhere else in the house. His bed looked untouched from the previous day. 

Julia also waited for her son to return home to ensure he safely made it back. She immediately called for Robert, her husband. He quickly scuttled up the stairs and examined the scene; just like his wife, he was shocked as this was very unusual for Jeremy. His parents immediately contacted all of his friends but with no luck. None of them knew where he was. The parents were intrigued by a particular detail: the notepad on his bed. They had never seen it before but assumed it was just a school supply he had dug up from his bag. The weird thing was that it was summer, so why would he be digging that up? His parents knew he loved writing, so they didn’t think about it anymore. They picked him up and flipped through his core, which was all blank and meaningless. Jeremy felt the touch of his parents and wanted to hug them, but he knew it was impossible. Was this all a bad dream, he thought to himself. Before making a decision, the parents waited till the end of the day to contact the police. Unfortunately, their son didn’t turn up; he was still lying on the bed waiting for something to happen, but what was he desperately waiting for, to return to human form? Deep down, he knew he would be stuck like this till the end of his life. His parents immediately contacted the police and filed for a missing child report, hoping to get the answers they were waiting for.

Days passed, and there was still no sign of Jeremy anywhere. A search team had been deployed, hoping to find him, but nothing came up. As for poor Jeremy, or at least what was left of him, he was still in bed waiting for something to happen. His thoughts were slowly killing him, but there was no escape. He kept thinking 24 hours a day, seven days a week. He couldn’t sleep because only his thoughts were entrapped into a physical notepad. His parents were still trying to avoid the truth that their son was gone and that they couldn’t find him. Each day that passed, the more anxiety and sadness would be filling up Jeremy, Robert, and Julia. 

Months had now passed, and the worst had to be assumed from the parent’s perspective. Their son was dead, and there was no evidence as to how this had happened. As for Jeremy, he became more thoughtless every day that would go by. He would just be there, lying on his dusty bed, repeatedly looking at the same white ceiling, without thinking anything anymore, as there was nothing to feel or think. 

One night, Jeremy recognized his mom’s footsteps, and she entered the room. She was there looking at the bed, looking at him. She had no facial expression; she was emotionless. Julia could rarely get a good night’s sleep anymore; she couldn’t cry anymore as she had physically deserted all her tears from her body. She sat at his desk where he used to do homework every night and looked at Jeremy. He was there in a notepad form; she didn’t know this, but he knew. He hoped she would pick him up and sing him a lullaby like when he was a little boy, but she did something different. She picked him up, gently placed him on the desk and did what her son loved the most, she wrote. She wrote down everything she felt or thought about him. Every time the pencil scratched a page, it would be a massive pain to Jeremy. It was like getting cut by a knife. Jeremy suffered through her writing the whole night, and soon, there were no more blank pages. He felt deeply scarred and hurt, something that he hadn’t physically felt in a long time.  All her feelings were written on her son. Julia knew she needed to start moving on, as Robert had already begun that process. As a final goodbye, she took all of her feelings and thoughts about her son’s disappearance and brought them to the basement, where she took a last look at the notepad and burned it. Jeremy, slowly turning to ash, wondered how all this had happened to him and his family. Soon, nothing would be left of him; he felt relieved, and so did his mom. He knew this would be a new beginning for his mom as she had finally defeated the denial stage of grievance, and now he would be free from his thoughts. 

Ballet-Slipper Pink

By: Kate Dilworth ’25

*Background information: After reading Alice Walker’s short story, The Flowers, students in Ms. Waterman’s AP Language & Composition class were assigned to write about a memorable moment when they realized that their childhood was over. This is Kate Dilworth’s “And The Summer Was Over” essay entitled, Ballet-Slipper Pink.

-Photo credit: Kate Dilworth ’25

My grandparents had three sons, my father being the oldest. My father was thirty-one when he met my mother who was twenty-six at the time; Nine years later they got married and had me. When I was five I couldn’t wait to turn seven, at seven I couldn’t wait to turn ten. I couldn’t wait to grow up. At five I couldn’t understand the concept of death. I knew my parents would never leave me, and I would always go to sleep in my ballet-slipper pink room, with my parents asleep just on the other side of the wall. My parents would never leave me, they would always be just beyond the pink. 

As my wish came true and I turned fifteen, I realized that not only had I grown up but so did my parents. Over the ten years of my wish for maturity, my parents’ skin wrinkled, and their jet-black hair became sprinkled with salt. One day my mother would have me sit down next to her on the guest bed of my grandparents’ house two days after Christmas. Then she would ever so calmly tell me my father had prostate cancer. But it was so small I shouldn’t have to worry. He would stay on top of it.

I had been to countless funerals. Death was simply something that happened. I would put on a nice dress, ride in a silent car with my parents, and sit in a still church. The priest would say a few words, and the family would read their tear-stained speeches about their husband, brother, or son. Yet I had never been to the funeral of someone I truly knew, I couldn’t mourn the hole in my heart if it was never there to begin with. 

At sixteen I am sitting on the couch two weeks before the start of junior year. My father sits next to me. When I look at his face, I notice something. I have his eyes, his nose, the same straight black hair. I spent my entire life viewing him as immortal, the never-ending fire in his brain would never burn out. It’s what made him my father. Yet, he has to have surgery, they have to remove the prostate before the cancer spreads further. I remember the moment, I remember hearing only pure silence, I remember the feeling of my mother watching and listening from the kitchen island, my father’s face, his eyes, my eyes, our eyes looking at me, waiting for a reaction. I saw my parents as regular men and women, and I,  the perfect mix of both.

I went to bed that night in my room, the one next to my parents, but my ballet-slipper pink walls were painted white.